


I Didn't Know You Were Into Girls

by queercapwriting (queergirlwriting)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, go get it fixed maggie, maggie how did you not know she was into girls what's wrong with your gaydar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-09-08 18:45:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 40,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8856685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queergirlwriting/pseuds/queercapwriting
Summary: A series of unconnected Sanvers (Alex x Maggie) one-shots. Ranging from second kisses to drunken karaoke and first dates and jealousy. Also sexy first times.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted on ff net and tumblr, under queergirlwriting

Post 2x06, first kiss. Alex in Tiny Gay Puppy Hidden From World mode.

Alex always picked up within two rings. Now, the best Maggie could hope for was her voicemail.

"Alex Danvers, leave a message."

The third time she called, she didn't hang up: she talked into the damn machine.

"Danvers, it's Sawyer. Listen, I hope you're ok. I wish you wouldn't've left like that the other night - wait, no, that's not what I mean, I'm not blaming you... dammit. Look Danvers, I said I'm here for you, and I want to be. I really do, and I... I miss seeing you around. Anyway. I hope you're ok. Bye."

Not two minutes went by before her phone vibrated with a text.

"Getting soft on me, Sawyer?"

Maggie grinned in relief, and something else that she wouldn't allow herself to acknowledge. Because none of that mattered: the fact that she couldn't stop replaying that kiss - that kiss - in her mind; the fact that the sudden lack of a certain agent in her life somehow hurt as much as her breakup.

None of it mattered: she was apparently borderline sociopathic, and Alex was, as she'd said, fresh off the boat.

And she didn't want to screw up yet another beautiful thing. Yet another beautiful person.

Her phone buzzed again, but it was work this time.

She inhaled slowly, exhaled slowly, the skin behind her eyes creasing in thought, in unacknowledged nerves.

She hit Alex's number again, and prayed silently.

"Sawyer," Alex's voice greeted cautiously. Within two rings. Maggie's heart back flipped.

"Danvers. Wanna see a dead body?"


	2. Chapter 2

J'onn's voice in her ear was one of the best sounds she'd ever heard: "Alex, we have Jeremiah. You and Sawyer get out. Now. You've got five minutes before their security systems are back online."

She would have normally been overjoyed, been glad to get out of the most horrific place she'd ever seen; retreat, and run straight into her father's arms.

But that woman - that woman, Lena Luthor's mother, the director of the Cadmus Project - had just struck Maggie unconscious with the long side of a pipe. That woman had inflicted god knows what tortures on her father and countless others for years.

That woman had just stood, ever so casually, over Maggie's limp body and taunted, slowly, so each syllable would penetrate Alex's skin:

"The alien-loving human cop. We've been meaning to get our hands - or shall I say, our equipment - on her. Find out what it is in her pretty little brain that makes her love them so."

It was then that J'onn's voice had sounded in her ear. Then that she'd murmured, "copy", but she hadn't copied at all. Then that in a sudden rage, with a sudden yell, and a sudden spray of Luthor's blood dripping on her knuckles, Alex had the leader of Cadmus defenseless, stripped of weapons, stripped of ways out, stripped of any hope of surviving the two guns Alex was holding, one pressed against her forehead and one against the hollow of her throat.

"You'd better pray that she isn't dead," she spat, unable to yet even glance at Maggie's bleeding form. "Because if she is, I swear to god Luthor, I will end you and everyone you've ever loved. Slowly."

Luthor stayed silent, watching the woman on top of her with equal parts fear of dying and amusement at how riled she'd made Alex just by making her little friend bleed. She, too, hoped the cop wasn't dead. Because what an interesting experiment it would be to see who broke first, listening to the other scream.

But before she could open her lips to taunt Alex further - which, judging by the unchecked fury in the woman's eyes, might not have been a wise idea anyway - there was a rustling to their side, her left, Alex's right. Alex pressed the guns harder into her skin, chest still heaving, thinking the movement was from Luthor or one of her cronies slipping into the room.

It wasn't.

It was Maggie.

She was groaning slightly, and reaching a slow hand to her head. She looked wearily around her, and her eyes widened when she took in the scene beside her: Alex Danvers, straddling the leader of Cadmus, with murder in her eyes, clearly ready to unload not one, but two guns into her at point blank range.

"Danvers," she coughed, and her voice sounded like gravel. She hauled herself up on her elbows, and tried to ignore the swirl of nausea, the way everything, including the agony in Alex's eyes, was in triple.

"Maggie, are you alright?" Alex still couldn't bring herself to look at her, not with that gash on her head, the struggle to stay focused she knew she'd find in her eyes. She kept the guns firmly planted on Luthor.

"Danvers, don't pull that trigger. Those triggers."

"Why the hell not? This woman tortured my father, and she'd gladly do the same to you."

Luthor tried to speak and Alex dug her knee harder into her stomach.

"Danvers!"

"Your girlfriend wants your attention."

"Shut up!" The yell was from both of them, but Alex had yet to so much as look at Maggie.

"Danvers, look at me." The rage in Alex's eyes wouldn't leave. Maggie took a deep breath and swallowed down dizzying nausea. This wasn't how she'd imagined first using the woman's first name in front of her - and yes, she'd imagined it, too often to count - but desperate times.

"Look at me. Alex."

The sound of Maggie's lips caressing her first name like a prayer was strong enough, ragged enough, to rip Alex's eyes away from her prey.

"This is not what you do. This isn't you. You're better than this. This isn't a fair fight, Alex, and it would destroy your soul. She isn't worth that."

"But she - "

"I know, Danvers. Alex. I know. But you're better. Be better. Right now."

The instinct to survive kicked in, so Luthor uncharacteristically said nothing; just waited as she and Maggie watched Alex wage a war in her head.

The war ended with a frustrated yell that came out like a strangled roar. Maggie knew - Maggie always knew - and she lurched forward, fumbling for the zip ties in her belt. She secured Luthor's wrists and ankles before Alex, finally, released her roughly.

Maggie tried to stand, but she stumbled. Worry, and just a flash of the rage that had consumed her moments before, clouded Alex's face as she put her arm around Maggie's waist, holding her up.

"Give my regards to Jeremiah, girls," the temporarily thwarted woman cackled behind them. Maggie gripped tightly at Alex's hand, steadying her just as much as she was being steadied.

When the two of them slipped, finally, into the safety of the DEO van that would take her, at last, to her father - gone ahead in a medical evac - neither J'onn nor Kara commented on the way Alex's arm stayed locked around Maggie's waist, even after they sat down. On the way her fingers gently stroked the skin above and below and alongside Maggie's head wound, even after it had been cleaned and stitched. On the way Maggie tilted her head to rest on Alex's chest; the way Alex closed her eyes and breathed in deep, her face largely hidden in Maggie's hair. The way a faint smile passed across Maggie's lips when Alex shifted so their bodies would be even closer.

Neither J'onn nor Kara commented, but they glanced at each other several times. Each look said the same thing: No matter what happens with Cadmus, they're going to be okay. Both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

It's damn near three in the morning, but Maggie Sawyer couldn't sleep if her life depended on it.

She was naked; she was sated; and she was flat-out, bone-tired exhausted. But sleep alluded her.

The cause?

The woman whose - also very naked - body was curled around hers, head on her chest, legs wrapped up so one knee was between Maggie's and one was slung just over her inner thighs.

Tough, badass, kick-your-ass-first-ask-questions-later Alex Danvers was apparently a major cuddler.

The slow, steady rhythm of Alex's breath soothed Maggie into deeper relaxation than she'd ever known; but not, alas, sleep.

It was the first time they'd done this: not the sleeping over - in hindsight, maybe passing out drunk or nodding off during a movie and waking up to water, aspirin, and a banana (or, as the case may be, slightly burnt omelettes and toasted waffles) didn't really count - but it was certainly the first time they'd... done everything else.

Alex had been, in a word... perfect. Alternately eager, heart-stoppingly seductive, and deer-in-the-headlights-style shy, she made love like she kissed: all at once sure, determined, eager, and so, so, so tentatively gentle.

Maggie had never cum so hard - or so much - in her life. Neither, she hoped, had Alex. If her falling asleep babbling had been any indication - half-completed thoughts about "never felt like...", "oh my god, Maggie," "still can't believe..." and "how did you even do that?" - Maggie quite hoped Alex had gotten everything she wanted and more. Because that's all Maggie ever wanted to give her.

Except at this current moment, all she wanted to do... was sleep. But Alex's hair screamed out to be played with, her face cried out to be stroked, kissed. Maggie did these things softly, slowly, gently, not wanting to disturb the look of utter peace on this woman's face. And suddenly sleep wasn't so appealing anymore.

When Maggie's wrist was too sore, too stiff, to caress Alex's hair any longer, she let her hand drift to a more neutral position on her shoulder. Her other hand came to rest on Alex's bare hip and Maggie breathed the most purely contented breath she'd ever taken.

Until, that is, Alex bolted awake.

She didn't sit up suddenly - not as such - but Maggie felt her entire body stiffen with sudden awareness of where she was; of who she was with; that she was in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar bedroom (they'd restricted themselves, prior to this evening, to movie nights on the couch).

Alex's sudden stiffness - not languid, sleepy, happiness, like she herself had been experiencing - turned Maggie's stomach into knots.

She's freaking out. She doesn't want to be here.

She kept her eyes shut, her breathing even; she fought not to cry from behind closed eyes.

Better to let her think I'm sleeping. If she wants to sneak out, why make it harder for her? For both of us.

Sure enough, after a few long moments where she felt Alex shifting her head to look up at her face - and Maggie thought she sensed fingertips hovering close, so close, to where a few stray strands of hair were still swept across her forehead; but she was sure she'd imagined it - Alex started gently but efficiently detangling their bodies. Maggie fought to remain in feigned sleep; she fought to make Alex's choice to leave as painless as she could.

It was harder, so much harder - and she hadn't thought it could get any worse than that - than turning Alex down after their first kiss. She hadn't been ready then. Neither of them had been.

Apparently, despite the months of dancing around it and forcing themselves to try with other people, Alex still wasn't ready.

Maggie's heart shattered when the heat of Alex's body left her; the pulverized pieces caught aflame when, a few moments later, the comforter - long ago tossed aside - was placed gently, even tenderly, over Maggie's apparently sleeping form. A few moments more, and Alex's footsteps padded across the bedroom and out into the rest of the apartment.

Maggie bit her lip and waited, listening with a heavy heart for the soft creak and final click of the front door.

Neither sound came.

She opened her eyes. She waited some more.

Nothing.

Brow furrowed, Maggie fumbled in the dark for her white button down - the one she'd worn that night all those months ago when Alex had first kissed her. Appropriate that she'd worn it last night. Except now the roles of who was rejecting whom were being reversed.

Abandoning her search, Maggie grabbed a t-shirt she'd crumpled into her drawer and pulled it on along with a thong that she found tossed in with her socks.

Brow still furrowed, she slipped out into the living room and flicked on a light.

She thought she'd seen Alex look like a deer in headlights before. Many times before. But never quite so much as just then.

Alex was curled into the corner of Maggie's beat up old couch, with her feet tucked under her, wearing nothing but last night's boy shorts underwear and Maggie's white button down.

A pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream was open in one hand; the other held the spoon currently stuck in her mouth.

Her eyes were wider than Maggie had ever seen them, despite the room being suddenly washed in light. Alex was frozen, back stiffened.

Maggie had never seen anything so adorable.

"Danvers." Her name wasn't a question, not exactly, but rather, an invitation. Maggie's head tilted to the side and a soft smile played at her lips.

I can't believe I thought she was leaving me.

"Dahwayoo?" Alex gulped.

"Come again?"

Alex held up the pint, her eyes still enormous, and chewed quickly, flinching and squeezing her eyes shut as the mouthful of ice cream slipped prematurely down her throat.

She pointed the spoon at Maggie, her eyebrow arching now, innocent doe-eyedness gone.

"I think I already did, Sawyer." She closed her eyes and shook her head, pushing her lips out in memory. "Many times."

Maggie gulped; now that the fear had left her, she was taking in the sight of Alex Danvers. Alex Danvers wearing nothing but boy shorts and her, Maggie's, button down. On her couch. Eating her ice cream, out of her freezer.

She could get used to this.

Something tugged at the back of her brain. "What were you trying to say? Before you took that gulp there?"

Alex smiled and dug the spoon back into the pint. "Did I wake you," she informed, putting the full spoon back in her mouth, upside-down so Maggie could best see the way her lips looked as she took it, slowly, out.

Maggie exhaled slowly and walked around the couch to plop down next to her. Alex's eyes raked her bare legs as she did, and Maggie grinned, remembering a particular moment from earlier when her legs were over Alex's shoulders...

She shook her head and put a hand on Alex's calf. "I uh... I was actually up. I... I acted asleep because you were so, uh... you tensed up big time when you woke up. I thought... I thought you wanted to... to leave."

"Maggie," was all she heard before Alex was in her lap, arms around her neck, hands everywhere they could reach. She had no idea what Alex had done that quickly with the ice cream and spoon, but she didn't quite care at the moment. She breathed in mint and chocolate and sweat and sharp lavender, and everything that was, perfectly, Alex.

"I wasn't... I wasn't trying to leave, why would I leave? Why would I do that?"

"You just... needed a sugar fix?"

And suddenly puppy dog Alex was back, and she squirmed and looked around guiltily. "I get hungry."

"You get hungry."

Alex buried her face in Maggie's shoulder, and if she never felt anything else again but Alex straddling her and pressing her body so close into hers, Maggie would be okay with that.

"I get hungry," Alex confirmed.

"Well then we'll just have to make sure we're always well-stocked, won't we?"

Alex came out of hiding and smiled deeply, taking Maggie's face into her hands.

"I guess we will."

Alex kissed her soundly, hotly, and just when Maggie started to groan and grind up into her, Alex broke the kiss and launched herself across the couch. Before Maggie could get her bearings, the spoon was back in Alex's mouth, and the deer in headlights look was back.

Maggie laughed and hopped over the couch to grab another spoon.

Turned out they didn't need an extra.

One was enough for the both of them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara decides the bar needs karaoke: NSYNC ensues, Sanvers style.
> 
> Points - in the form of me fulfilling a one-shot Sanvers prompt request for you - if you catch the Grey's Anatomy reference.

"Danvers, what did you do to the place?"

Alex's heart simultaneously expanded and shattered when she saw the woman she'd kissed sauntering toward her, arms spread in mock disbelief at the temporary stage they had erected in one of the corners of the bar. For a moment - but only a moment - her eyes fluttered down to the softest pair of lips she'd ever kissed.

It wasn't too difficult to force a smile: seeing Maggie still washed out every external worry in the world. Even if it was two months later and she was still humiliated and hopeless, hopelessly in the throes of apparently unrequited love.

"Wasn't me," she laughed as Maggie stopped in front of her, just out of reach. "Kara thought this place could use a little karaoke." Maggie opened her mouth and Alex held up her hands. "No no, I know how you're gonna object, because J'onn said it, too." She threw her voice in a humorously deep tone, and J'onn, in earshot at the bar with M'gann rolled his eyes and chuckled. "'Alex, why would you allow Kara to subject an alien bar to such a distinctly human custom?'" Maggie laughed at her imitation and Alex's heart soared despite herself. "You'd be surprised how many other planets have karaoke."

In triumph, she gestured at the stage behind her, where two of the regulars were helping an overenthusiastic Kara set up a screen and a pair of microphones.

When Alex turned back to face Maggie, smug and pleased with herself, her breath hitched at finding that Maggie's eyes were already on her, not the stage. Unreadable to Alex as always, she chuckled awkwardly and shifted her upper body, hoping it didn't look like she was squirming. Even though she was.

She wondered if the kiss really had been that bad for Maggie. She wondered why the woman still even spoke to her, why she was standing there, looking at her like... like that.

"You gonna sing, then, Danvers?"

Alex laughed. "Pfft, no, I don't - no, that's Kara's department, I don't - "

"What, come on, you've never belted it in the shower?"

Alex flushed and Maggie cocked an eyebrow.

"Bet you get all deep and emotional, sing some stuff like that Breathe 2 am song."

This does not mean she thinks of you in the shower, Danvers. That is not how she meant it. Get it together.

As though to save her - always, always - from having to formulate words, a loud squeak of the microphone made everyone in the bar jump and groan. Alex looked at the stage to see Kara with an apologetic grimace on her face.

"Sorry! Sorry. But! Now I have everyone's attention, anyway. So um... hi! I'm Kara, and this - " She whipped her arms out wide around her at the lackluster, makeshift stage like it was a Broadway set. "This is our first karaoke night!"

J'onn raised his glass and Alex gave a small, supportive whoop.

"Nerd," Maggie muttered beside her.

"What, you telling me you're not gonna go up there? What're you, scared Sawyer?"

Maggie's response was cut off by Kara clambering forward on stage. "Okay okay okay! Let's get this started!" She thrusted her hand out to Darla at the karaoke machine, who grinned with a slight eye roll as she queued up the song Kara had chosen.

Alex paled as Kara started singing with the first note.

Oh my... she didn't. She wouldn't. She's not.

"It's tearin up my heart

When I'm with you;

But when we are apart,

I feel it too!

And no matter what I do,

I feel the paaaiiiin,

With or without you!"

Kara's hair flew ridiculously with the music, and Maggie leaned into an Alex Danvers who was very much wishing she were somewhere, anywhere, else.

"Danvers, your sister's got a voice!"

"Yeah. Yep."

She wouldn't. She's not. She won't.

"Alex, get up here!" Kara shouted, leaning down and yanking at her arm.

She would. She did. She is.

She tried shaking her head, she tried shucking off her sister's grip. She tried repeating no a handful of times.

But Maggie was pushing and her Kryptonian sister was pulling and the musical bridge was ending and the second microphone was in her hand and she grew up mocking this music but dammit, Alex Danvers was not one to back down when pressed against a wall.

"Baby I don't understand

Just why we can't be lovers.

Things are getting out of hand,

Tried too much, but

Baby we can't win."

Maggie's jaw was open, arms crossed across her chest, staring up at the woman who'd kissed her searingly, gently - perfectly - and walked away crying. Heat pooled in her core at Alex's nerdiness, at Alex's boldness. At the tenor of Alex's voice, at the bend in her knees as she leaned slightly into Kara, who joined her for the bridge into the chorus.

"Let it go.

If you want me girl,

Let me know.

I am down

On my kneeeees,

I can't take it anymore."

Maggie gulped as the sisters launched into the chorus, fingertips stretched theatrically toward each other, Alex giving herself completely over to the experience, diving into it as she dove into everything. Without hesitation. Without question.

Just like she'd grabbed her by the forearm, pulled her back, and kissed her.

She'd had her reasons, to protect them both. Of course she had. Most of the time, she stood by those reasons. Fresh off the boat. Fresh out of a relationship. Etcetera.

But watching Alex's face - watching Alex's heart get torn - that still haunted Maggie's every night.

And she didn't know whether to be amused or heartbroken as Alex crooned under her sister's voice.

"And no matter what I do,

I feel the paaaiiiiin,

With or without you."

Alex let Kara take the oooohing in between the chorus and the verse, and that was when she risked it all. That was when, as she let her arms loose around her sides and her hips sway dorkily, she took a glance at Maggie, whose eyes she'd been studiously avoiding until then. There was light in Alex's eyes; there was joy, there was giddiness, there was adventure, there was the exhilaration of holding a microphone instead of a gun, the stakes laughter and frivolity instead of torture, death, or survival. But, as their eyes connected, there was also an underlying steel in Alex's, and Maggie knew without a hint of uncertainty: Kara had chosen the song on purpose.

And Alex was singing about Maggie, to Maggie, even when she was miming the song with Kara; because Maggie was tearin up her heart.

Her voice wasn't bad - it was quite sweet, actually - but Kara was clearly the superior singer. Despite that, Kara gestured the lead to Alex, yet again, for the second verse. And Alex, yet again, went for it.

"Baby don't misunderstand

What I'm trying to tell ya

In the corner of my mind,

Baby it feels like we're running

Out of time.

Let it go.

If you want me girl,

Let me know."

And suddenly Maggie couldn't breathe. Suddenly she couldn't see and suddenly, as she dimly registered Alex singing that she was down on her knees - a fantasy Maggie had had, too many times, not to mention in reverse - she did something she rarely, if ever, did.

She ran.

Sort of.

Maggie was a bit more dignified than running, truth be told. So she muttered incoherently to J'onn, now standing next to her, staring and laughing up at his girls. Something about having to leave. He nodded at her without taking his eyes off the women he thought of as - well, not exactly his daughters, but, close enough. To see them relaxed, loose, enjoying the world and each other, being silly instead of weighed down by the world? His heart couldn't ask for anything more. So he tilted his head in acknowledgement at Maggie, but didn't notice the tears in her eyes, the weight on her shoulders, as she turned and strolled - she focused on the strolling part - out the back door.

She didn't want Alex to notice. She didn't want Alex to care.

She didn't want to exist, at this very moment.

But as she was leaving, she heard Kara's voice wobble in concern, taking over Alex's part, the duet becoming a solo. She heard footsteps behind her. She heard Alex's voice.

She kept walking. Strolling.

She grabbed for her helmet, for the handles of her Triumph, her safety, her escape, her ride, her independence. Her way out of Blue Springs; her way out of this damn heartache.

She grabbed for her helmet, but she didn't make it. Because Alex Danvers had grabbed her arm - again - and spun her around. Again.

Soft lips didn't touch hers, not this time, but they were standing close enough to kiss, close enough for Maggie to let herself go this time; to not be strong enough, this time, to do what's right.

They lost themselves in each other's eyes for a long moment, before Maggie's heart couldn't withstand it anymore.

"Alex - " Her voice broke, just on those two syllables.

"Maggie." Alex's breath was close enough to taste, and her eyes searched Maggie's entire face with an intensity that would have made a lesser woman cower. Her voice was low, almost but not quite a whisper. Insistent. Her fingers were still taking Maggie's rapid pulse on her forearms, both of them. Maggie was limp in her hands. "I'm not gonna kiss you again. Not yet. But I think you want me to. And I do, too. So not yet. But one day. And for now... for now, Maggie, I want you to stay. Kara's gonna get drunk, and if you think she's been ridiculous so far, you really wanna wait and see what kind of fun is coming. I'm going to make J'onn sing - I've heard him humming in the DEO, and I'm not gonna let him get away with it - and you and I are gonna sing. Hell, I'll even do a solo: I had a kinda intense punk rock phase. And we're gonna drink, and we're gonna laugh, and we're gonna enjoy each other. And one day, we're gonna kiss again. Not yet, because fine: different places. But one day. For tonight, though, Maggie? I'm not gonna let you run like I did that night. Stay. Stay and let yourself loose. You deserve it. We both do. Okay?"

There was a long pause, and both women fought to search the other's eyes, not lips, with their own.

"You had an intense punk rock phase? What, alongside NSYNC?"

"Hey, that was Kara's phase, I only know that stuff because I was being a supportive sister."

"So, punk rock."

Alex's voice lowered several octaves. "You won't find out more unless you come back inside."

Maggie gulped.

And let Alex lead her by the hand, back into the bar.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> worldclassbeauty over on tumblr asked and shall receive!
> 
> The prompt was: "Sara(Lance) knows Maggie and Alex in the future where they are married, maybe with children, when she meets them in 2016(?) she slips up and accidentally says "your wife" to one of them :D"
> 
> Let me know what you think (and feel free to keep the prompts coming!)!

Sara took one glance at them and knew something was off.

It wasn't that they weren't wearing wedding rings, the simple elegant designs Alex had gotten custom made; it wasn't even that the bags under their eyes looked distinctly work-related, rather than induced by the sleep loss associated with caring for the two alien refugee children you couldn't help but take in and adopt as your own, protocols of both your jobs be damned.

It was, rather, that they were unfailingly kind to each other, unfailingly friendly, with undeniable chemistry; but Alex was busy denying that chemistry, avoiding Maggie's eyes whenever possible.

They should be together; and in this reality, in this year, they weren't. At least not yet.

Sara swore not to say anything about what she knew. About them. About their future.

Eventually, though, she knew she might just let something slip.

Because sometimes people were scared; sometimes people needed the universe to push them.

And Sara liked to think that she could, at least in this, speak on behalf of the universe.

She just hadn't meant to slip in such an obvious way.

She told them straight up that they knew them from the future, that they'd worked cases together and they were both incredible badasses, etc. They'd all agreed that she shouldn't reveal anything else about them.

But then they got drinks with Kara.

Kara, the girl that Sara couldn't take her eyes off of.

When she slipped away toward the bathroom, Sara let her head - already heavy with alcohol kicked back because each time Kara looked at her with those eyes, through those glasses, with that smile, Sara needed to steady herself with a shot - droop toward the table.

"Alright, Lance?" Maggie asked, bemused. Alex might still be too newly out of the closet to realize that Sara had it bad for her sister, but Maggie noticed right away. And she was endlessly tickled by it.

"How do you stand it?" Sara asked.

Alex blinked at her and slid a glass of water her way.

Sara toasted her and drank it deeply.

"Your sister's so... wow."

Maggie didn't know Alex's eyes could go that wide, and she broke out hysterically laughing.

"Well, I might be newly realizing I'm gay, but you know I can't say that's extended to finding my own sister attractive, Sara," Alex teased once she had kicked back her own shot and knocked an amused Maggie on the arm as reprimand for laughing at her.

Sara just groaned and strained to see if Kara was coming back from the bathroom yet.

"It's easy for you to laugh, Sawyer, you've got the perfect wife, don't you?" She gestured at Alex with her water glass and shook her head at the table.

Silence settled between the women as Alex and Maggie froze, staring intently at Sara.

It took her a moment to realize. What she'd said. "Oh, fuck me and my big mouth." She grimaced down at the bar table before raising her head apologetically to the two still very frozen, very open-mouthed women.

"Well. I'm uh... I'm going to leave you two to uh... talk. I - " She was about to apologize and didn't bother. They wouldn't have processed it anyway. She gestured to order them two more shots - they were going to need them - and slipped out of the bar in an alcohol, Kara Danvers, time-traveler-no-no-number-one-induced stupor.

Maggie was the first to brave looking at the woman next to her. "Did she just - "

"Yeah. Yep. Yes."

Maggie's eyes drifted to Alex's lips just as Alex was able to raise hers to meet Maggie's.

Her throat was suddenly very, very dry.

"Maggie." There was gravel in her voice, and heat swept through Maggie's core and Alex's lower octave.

"Your wife. Me."

Maggie cleared her throat. "Apparently."

Alex grinned suddenly, slowly, smugly. "You could do worse, Sawyer."

"Are you kidding me, Danvers? I couldn't possibly do better."

Eyes met and lowered to lips and back to eyes again. Maggie leaned in at the same time as Alex did, and their lips were so close, closer than they'd been since that night, the night Alex had taken the plunge and walked away crying.

A loud thump at the bar stool next to them made them both jump apart to see Kara plopping back down with a mildly concerned look on her face.

"I saw Sara bickering with Lena near the bathrooms - what do you guys think that's about, huh?"

Maggie downed her whiskey with no chaser. "They're both hot for you, Kara. I suggest you go sort out your admirers."

"Yeah, before Cat Grant comes back and does it for you."

Kara's eyes flew wide open and suddenly Maggie saw the family resemblance. Kara scrambled off her stool and away, as fast as Supergirl but much more clumsily.

When they laughed - a good long, solid belly laugh that left them nears tears and clutching their rib cages - Alex and Maggie leaned into each other, touched each other's legs like they'd been that intimate for years.

Anyone looking at them would swear they were already married.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this isn't exactly a response to a prompt, but I've been seeing a lot of headcanons about Kara going into full-out research mode when Alex comes out to her, and utterly transforming their next Sisters' Night into Gay AF Sisters' Night. And since I feel like we all need cheesy, happy fics right now, here's my go at it!

Kara Danvers had a healthy guilt complex.

Especially when it comes to her sister.

Especially when it came to realizing that she hadn't given Alex enough space, all these years, to process – or even to consider – her own sexuality; her own needs; her own desires.

But Kara's guilt rarely spilled over into projection or anger.

No: in this case, Kara's guilt spilled over into a total gay invasion of Sisters' Night; by way of rainbow cupcakes and streamers; wlw movies with actual happy endings ("How hard can it be to give gay girls a happy ending?" she'd asked her empty apartment during her preparation through a mouthful of donut); and a stack of, among other things, Tegan and Sara CDs.

Alex didn't react quite how Kara had imagined.

"What the hell is this," she'd deadpanned like a statement when she walked into the explosion of rainbows and the lyrics of Tegan and Sara's "Boyfriend" hanging in the air.

"The feeling that you give me, wanna give it right back  
I know you always win at this particular game  
I need to know the rules if you want me to play"

"Happy coming out!" Kara exclaimed, the wine glass in her hand spilling chaotically over her shoulder as she raised her arms in exultation, just as she'd done when she'd told Mon-El, "It's your first day of work!"

Alex couldn't help but laugh as her sister's enthusiasm sprayed the kitchen cabinet with white wine and seeped into her bones.

"You're very weird," she informed her sister as she shrugged out of her jacket, looking around the be-rainbowed apartment like she'd never quite seen it before.

Kara scampered over to draw Alex into a (literally) rib-crushing hug.

"It's a big life event! Big life events should be celebrated!" Her arms shot up again before she paused with a furrowed brow. "The happy ones, anyway."

"But what… Kara, what is all this?" Alex strode cautiously to the stacks of DVDs and CDs that Kara had loaded the table with.

Kara bounced on the balls of her feet at the invitation.

"Well, I just thought, you know, since we spent all those Sisters' Nights watching heteronormative – " she grinned broadly at her new vocabulary word and paused for praise. Alex blinked and Kara rushed on, trying not to think of how impressed Ms. Grant would be, unperturbed by Alex's blank face. "rom coms, I thought now's the time to catch up on some lesbian rom coms! The happy ones! And – " she bent over a chair and emerged with a chin-high stack of DVDs Alex hadn't noticed before. "All six seasons of The L Word! It's apparently racist and transphobic, but Alex, it's also a cult classic."

Alex smirked full out now as Kara struggled to balance all those seasons in her excitement. "You know this is probably all on Netflix."

"Well yeah, but there's something about the box sets, Alex!" The oven chimed and The L Word box set of season 6 clattered out of Kara's jumping arms; the box cracked down the middle at Alex's feet. Kara shrugged apologetically as she opened the oven and reached in bare-handed.

"I read that that season doesn't really count anyway."

She stood back up with a tin full of rainbow-colored cupcakes, and Alex sank into the couch, face in her hands.

"Oh no! Alex! I'm sorry, is it – is it too much? I'm sorry, I can – I can put it all away – "

When she felt Kara's arms slip around her body, Alex automatically curled back into her, choking on the tears in her throat.

"No, no, it's just… I don't know what I did to deserve a sister like you, Kara."

Tears sprang to Kara's eyes, too, and she put her forehead to Alex's.

"You exist, Alex. You exist, and you are tough, and smart, and so, so beautiful."

At her reference to Maggie, Alex sobbed hard, once.

"And that's what tonight is about. Owning your gayness separate from Maggie. Just like she told you."

"My gayness."

Kara beamed and Alex felt gears clicking into place; she hadn't said it out loud, not like that, not yet.

Maggie had been right; everything certainly was shiny.

"So," Alex snuggled deeper into her sister, reaching for a blanket and smiling with a scoff and an eyeroll to realize that Kara had bought a unicorn-themed throw for the occasion. "What's first on the watch list?"

"It's already loaded up!" Kara practically squealed, elbowing Alex in the head as she launched herself at the remote.

Before she pressed play, she shoved the DVD box into Alex's hands.

"D.E.B.S. A crime-fight-y solider-y girl who doesn't know she's gay falls for a super criminal girl who's actually just a big gay softie."

Alex puckered her lips and mock glared. "A crime fight-y soldier-y girl?"

Kara giggled and poked Alex significantly. Her big sister groaned amiably and swiped a cupcake out of the tin.

"Taste the rainbow," she muttered, grinning, Kara applauding raucously at Alex's first bite of the sweet.

Alex had cheered through D.E.B.S., cried her way through Imagine Me and You, held her heart through I Can't Think Straight, and chomped popcorn non-stop through the pilot of The L Word. Unaccustomed to quite so much TV, even on Sisters' Night, she passed out somewhere in the middle of The L Word's second episode. Kara was still awake, riveted by the gang's scientific attempt to discover if Lara played for their team; and Kara found herself examining her own shoes, her own finger nails; thinking about whether Shane would be able to seduce her with her talk of deserts.

She thought of Cat; she thought of Lena; she looked down at her sleeping sister next to her, and shook her head firmly. This was supposed to be about her.

A knock at the door shook Kara from her quickly spiraling thoughts. "It's 3 am," she muttered as she checked Alex quickly; she was undisturbed, her breathing deep and even. Kara squinted at the door and immediately rolled her eyes and huffed out a frustrated breath. "What is she doing here?"

She shifted from the couch carefully, not pausing the episode in case the sudden lack of background sound would wake Alex. And she didn't want her waking up right now.

Because Maggie Sawyer was at the door, the same Maggie who Alex had broken down over, had questioned her entire sense of self-worth over. She was just starting to feel better. Just starting to slip into her own, with this who coming out thing.

And now Maggie was showing up at Kara's door… at 3 am?

Kara opened the door roughly and stepped outside immediately, clicking the door shut gently behind her. Maggie, wide-eyed, stepped back, wordless.

"Is something wrong?" Kara asked with her voice pitched lower than normal, more like it was when she was in Supergirl mode.

Maggie shook her head silently before she could actually speak. "No, no, nothing's – no. I just – I'm sorry Kara, I know it's late, I just – is Alex here?"

"She's sleeping. What do you need her for at 3 am, Maggie?"

"I… Kara, she hasn't been returning my calls, I just wanted to make sure she's okay, I – I care about her, Kara, and I don't… I don't easily care about people. Alex is… you know, Kara. Alex is special. And I think she's misinterpreted why I – I just want her to know that I – I want to be here for her, I want to…"

A shuffling sound made both Maggie and Kara stiffen.

"Kara?" Alex's sleepy voice called from right behind the door, and before either could move, Alex was opening the door and blinking blearily into the light of the hallway.

"Alex, go back to – "

"Maggie?"

And suddenly Kara was as invisible as she'd been the first day she met Maggie, when they were investigating a dead body in the trunk of that car.

"Alex. Hey."

Alex was blinking slowly, scrunching her eyes up and shrugging away the heavy sleep she'd fallen into.

"Everything okay? What're you doing here?"

"I…"

Seeing the way Alex's hair stuck up on one side; the way imprints from the pillow she'd leaned on still marked her face slightly; the slight puffiness in her eyes, the way her body was relaxed, half-asleep still; made Maggie lose her breath, lose her words, lose her ability to think. She looked past Alex, into Kara's apartment, in hopes of regaining some semblance of composure.

Instead of composure, she just got baffled.

"Is that – are those rainbow streamers? Are you playing The L Word?"

"Coming out Sisters' Night," Alex murmured, her eyes increasingly becoming more awake, more alert; increasingly unable and unwilling to leave Maggie's face.

Kara stared between them; at the way Alex's eyes were battling between humiliation, anger, and something bordering on love; at the way Maggie's eyes were soft, open, welcoming, filled to the brim with something almost akin to reverence.

Kara took a deep, steadying breath.

"Maggie, why don't you stay an episode? There's rainbow cupcakes."

"Alex?" Maggie asked.

Alex stared at Maggie, and Kara stared at Alex. Maggie licked her lips and stared at her feet.

Her heart leapt when she felt Alex's fingertips touch hers. "Come."

Kara let her smile grow behind Maggie's back as Alex pulled Maggie gently, sleepily, inside. Something in Maggie's eyes – Alex was wrong. Maggie did want her. She was just too concerned about Alex's well-being to pursue her right now. And sticking to that choice was killing her.

Which made her, in Kara's book, almost good enough for Alex. (Almost: no one would ever be completely good enough, in Kara's book.)

And certainly good enough for 3 am rainbow cupcakes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from the awesome Bree21 – "One that I want so bad that no one has done is a stakeout one! I would love to see one like that. Like they're bored and end up making out or more. Ever since she made an appearance I have wanted someone to write a stakeout one."
> 
> Ask and ye shall receive! Let me know what you think!

Alex used to train twelve hours a day for the DEO. And they'd block the time, too, to maximize the exhaustion: all part of the training.

Six hours of rigorous physical work – learning to fight with nothing but your body, learning to use every weapon imaginable, learning to survive simulated scenarios that could lose you a limb, or worse, if you didn't accurately assess the situation for all its variables at all moments.

This immense physical exhaustion – this breaking point – was always immediately followed by grueling mental work, mental work when your body felt dead, complex astronomical, chemical, biological, mathematical, technological, puzzles designed to be nearly impossible, designed to push you past your breaking point, all timed, all under pressure, all testing how rapidly, how clearly, your mind could process while your adrenaline was through the roof.

And you had to do it all over again the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that.

Alex Danvers had excelled in her training, until she could both physically and mentally outdo J'onn.

She'd gotten there faster than any other agent in DEO history.

Alex Danvers knew patience. She was trained for patience. She was built for patience.

Maggie Sawyer was not.

By the third hour and second round of coffee, staking out one of the locations Winn suspected – but DEO tech couldn't confirm – was the hideout of a new Cadmus stronghold, Maggie was bored.

She loved spending time with Alex. Loved talking to her, loved just sitting back and watching her think, watching her focus.

Loved… her.

And Alex was focused, alright, her eyes and body alert, constantly scanning the area, constantly tensed for a new piece of information, for a new revelation.

Maggie was there with her in the ethos of the mission. She was also going out of her mind.

"Danvers."

"Mmm."

"You starting to think that maybe Schott's wrong? That there's nothing in this warehouse but a bunch of old boxes and a few families of rats?"

Alex sighed and gazed sidelong at Maggie. "Bored, Sawyer?"

Maggie chuckled. "Nerd, and you're not?"

Alex glanced again, sighed again.

"You know there's part of me that thinks if he – if my dad – were in there, I'd… I don't know, sense him or something." She dared to meet Maggie's eyes but quickly looked away, embarrassed at her utterly non-scientific approach.

But Maggie just put a hand on her forearm and leaned in a little closer to her, her eyes probing and empathetic as they'd been the night Alex had first come out.

"And do you? Sense him?"

Alex blinked and shook her head. "I know it's not a Winn Schott approved text, but he can't even tell with their shielding tech."

"Hence, the past eight hours of doing… absolutely nothing."

"Oh come on, Maggie, it hasn't been that long."

"Could'a fooled me."

Alex glanced at Maggie's face and felt heat surge through her. She hadn't let herself slip out of focus these past three – not eight – hours; determined to stick on her mission, their mission, determined to not bring these feelings into the workplace. Having feelings for someone had never been a problem for Alex at work before; she was determined to not make it a problem now.

But Maggie was arching an eyebrow and licking her lips absent-mindedly, and it shook Alex to the core.

This time, it was Alex who shifted closer – this time, it was Maggie's breath that hitched at the sudden proximity of Alex's face, Alex's body, Alex's body heat, leaning over the deeply inconvenient gear shifts between them.

"Maggie Sawyer, I have never known you to complain about a mission. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were bored with me."

Alex's leg was swinging, perfectly controlled, out from its resting place near the gas pedal and over Maggie's body, and suddenly Maggie was gulping and forgetting how to do basic things like breathe and think rational thoughts that didn't have to do with the fact that Alex Danvers was climbing from the driver's seat into Maggie's lap, straddling her while taking to now cold cup of coffee out of her hands and dumping the liquid out of the cracked window before tossing the now empty paper cup into the back seat.

The whole time, she didn't break eye contact with Maggie; the whole time, she looked down at her with equal parts smirk and smolder; equal parts teasing and raw desire.

As Maggie gulped again and brought her stunned hands to Alex's hips, she let herself rake her eyes up and down Alex's body; and that gulp, that touch, that look, forced Alex's smirk and teasing to surrender completely to pure smolder and raw desire.

She took Maggie's face in her hands, as she had all that time ago; but this time, there was something akin to a growl in the back of Alex's throat as she pulled Maggie's face toward her; this time, when she brought her lips crashing down to meet Maggie's, she already knew which tongue placements would make her moan; which teeth nips would make her renew her grasp on Alex's body and grind, helplessly, up into her.

This time, she already knew the best ways to make Maggie see stars; other than simply being, of course.

Because this was not the first time Alex had straddled Maggie's lap and come down for a searing kiss; it wasn't the first time she lost her fingers in Maggie's hair while Maggie's fingers got lost in the skin under Alex's hastily tugged-up shirt.

But it was the first time they'd done… this… on the job.

"Maggie," Alex breathed, and Maggie writhed.

Alex's lips left Maggie's breath, but before she could whine at the loss, Alex was tracing her mouth down Maggie's jawline, down her neck, thrust back, throat open and exposed for her. The sight drove Alex mad, and she stopped just long enough for her eyes to burn into Maggie's.

"Seat back," she growled, and Maggie fumbled under her seat for the lever that would fulfill Alex's command.

Carefully trained patience banished by the feeling of Maggie's body underneath her, her fingers burning trails up along her bra line, her hips arching up into the space between Alex's legs, Alex reached impatiently under the seat, hand beating Maggie's to find the lever that crashed the passenger's seat down, down, reclining all the way until it hit the backseat cushion.

"Better," Maggie breathed, and Alex smiled into their kiss as she transferred her body weight to the hand resting behind Maggie's head, giving her a pillow as Alex's other hand ripped at Maggie's belt.

Maggie gasped and then moaned as Alex's deft fingers undid the button of her jeans and the sound of her zipper rushing down filled the car.

Alex froze before slipping her fingers any further, catching and holding Maggie's eyes with her own.

"All good?" she confirmed, and Maggie just smiled that smile; it caught on Alex's face and she kissed her slowly, then, soundly, deeply, trying to make her feel more than wanted, more than desired; trying to make her feel fully, completely, absolutely… loved.

It worked.

Until there was a rapping at the car window that made Alex jump and slam her head on the top of the car, making sure Maggie was buttoning her jeans back up and that her own shirt was pulled back down. They both reached for their guns, but it wasn't a threatening face that appeared in the window; just a very regretful one.

"Um… Alex? Alex, please don't kill me, I – you stopped responding to our communications, and J'onn got worried, and um, please, just please don't hurt me."

Winn was in a near complete state of panic, and Maggie couldn't help but chuckle, even as she was still panting, hoisting her seat back up. Alex slipped back into the passenger's seat as smoothly as though she'd been doing it for years, and Maggie turned to watch her ass as she did.

Winn noticed; but he was smart enough not to comment.

Because in a flash, Alex was out of the car and Winn was pinned against it; Maggie could only imagine the look on his face, because he was plastered against her door; J'onn was in the background, some paces away from the car, arms folded across his chest, his face a perfect map of what confusion, father-panic, and deep amusement would look like if they melded together.

"You make any wise cracks about what you just saw at work, Winn, and I swear to you, I'll – "

"What, show me what you can do with your index finger? I'm pretty sure Maggie knows, and she's not dead – "

The car shook as Alex slammed Winn against it, and Maggie felt her own face burn even as she heard Winn squeal.

"Alright, yeah yeah, okay, nothing at work, got it."

Alex released him and Maggie glanced up through the window at her face as Winn stumbled away toward J'onn, rubbing his neck. Alex's expression was angry, but her eyes told the truth; she was deeply pleased with herself, deeply entertained by Winn's fear. Deeply pleased with how big Maggie's eyes were as they looked up at her from inside the car, still wide with the shock and depth of being so turned on.

Alex opened the door and swept her arm back gallantly, gesturing Maggie out as though she were royalty. J'onn grinned and shook his head, and Winn shifted behind him.

"So, no threat here, sir?" Maggie admired Alex's ability to talk to her father figure like he hadn't just walked in on her as though she were a randy teenager on prom night; and then sent in Winn as his preemptive backup.

"None that we can detect. But we did get concerned when we didn't hear from you." His eyebrows went up as his gaze shifted to Maggie, who smiled and shifted, lowering her eyes. She knew she'd be getting the I-will-end-you-if-you-hurt-my-daughter talk from him soon enough; she figured her was just waiting for Kara to get the sister version of that out of her system before he went for it. Maggie was grateful; one all powerful space alien scrutinizing her every move was more than enough.

"We're fine, J'onn. Um… meet you back at the DEO?"

"Mmm. Hmm." J'onn gave Alex a significant grin before leading Winn off, and now it was Alex's turn to get bashful.

Maggie interwove their fingers as the other two walked away.

"So babe… how does Winn know about those things you can do with your index fingers?"

"Different context, Mags. Much different."

And she pulled her in for another sound kiss on the hood of the car.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From an anon over on tumblr:
> 
> "Prompt for your Friday fic posting: Alex's journey working towards being able to say the words "I'm gay" out loud. Maybe like a few times she tries and then the time she actually does?"

"I'm Gay," Five Ways

Alex Danvers wasn't terribly comfortable with words.

She was comfortable with threats; they sometimes involved words, but they also involved what was underneath the words - the muscle, the glare, the institutional backing behind an otherwise empty phrase; the body language, the implication, the gun to the head - so she was alright with threats.

And she was very alright with action. Action was great. An elbow to the stomach, grabbing for his gun; the way watching someone's eyes while they're trying to fight you lets you into their soul, into their brain, enough to see their weak points, to anticipate their next move, and to move, to strike, accordingly.

Firing up a space pod that hadn't been used in years to launch herself into space and save her sister, while her head - and the heads of everyone on the entire planet - was literally about to explode? Far easier than trying to convey to Kara just how much she loved her, with words, on the comm link.

So when Maggie all but asked her if she was into girls - when Maggie all but assumed that she was - you know - she couldn't get the words out. Specifically, the word.

Gay.

Couldn't do it, because she'd always believed that actions were more important than words; that actions trumped them. She could tell Kara she loved her, tell Kara she wasn't jealous, didn't resent her; but unless she devoted her life to proving it, her words meant nothing.

But here, now? This word? Gay?

This word was an action. This word was an action, a verb, something that would stick to her skin like Maggie's kiss - and she could have sworn Maggie kissed her back.

This word was a doing all its own, and Alex Danvers never backed down, but she couldn't help but repeatedly run from this word.

And that needed to change.

She'd tried. With Maggie. To use the word.

"I never thought it might be because..." I'm gay.

"of the... other..." The other option. The other thing, the thing no one wants to talk about, the thing that isn't perfect, the thing that a society that doesn't consider anything other than cis heterosexuality to be wrong, to be deviant, to be violating, to be... well... other.

She'd tried. And Maggie, bless her perfect heart, had let her come out the way she wanted to, with whatever words she needed at the moment.

She'd tried with Kara, too. But Kara had said it for her, asking straight up - bad pun - if Maggie were gay. If Alex is telling her she's gay, too.

Yes, Kara. Yes, I'm coming out to you, because I - because I'm -

Fuck.

The next time - the next try - had been with Winn. For all her slamming of Winn into walls and mocking him for looking like crap, she'd begun to develop a sort of brotherly feeling toward him, a sort of protectiveness, a sort of friendship and equal partnership, whereas before he had just been, specifically, Kara's (somewhat puppy-ish) friend.

"Hey Winn."

"Mmm." He'd been working on something - he was always working on something - in the lab, and if she concentrated she could deduce what it was from the materials he was fusing together, but she needed all her concentration on herself, right now.

"Remember what you said about Maggie?"

Winn furrowed his brow but didn't lift his eyes from the chemicals in front of him.

"Your cop friend. Um, that it was nice finally meeting her?"

Alex grinned nervously and shifted toward him, looking over his shoulder at the polymers he was synthesizing. Winn gave her a slightly scandalized sidelong glance.

"Danvers, respect the space - we don't want to singe your hair, Kara would kill me. Or you would, one of six ways with your index finger."

"And don't you forget it."

They shared a chuckle and lapsed into an amiable silence.

"So, what did I say about Maggie?"

Alex jumped. "Oh, um, you know - that I - that it was different, me and her versus you and Kara, because I don't have... feelings for Maggie?"

If Winn was surprised by the direction the conversation seemed to be taking, he didn't show it. He just glanced at her and nodded. "Mmhmm."

"What if I told you..." She fidgeted, and Winn kept his eyes on his work for Alex's sake, but stopped moving his fingers. "What if I told you I did. Like her. Have feelings for her. Those kinds of feelings."

Already she felt her resolve depleting, already she was retreating into the words she'd used when coming out to Kara.

Winn's eyebrows raised slightly, but when he turned to meet Alex's eyes, his face was soft, a small, almost undetectable smile playing on his lips.

"Then I'd say that if her body language the other night is any indication, she's got it bad for you, too, Alex. And who could blame her? Isn't it everyone's dream to date someone who could kill you six ways with their index finger?"

He'd put his hand on the crook of her elbow, and she'd wondered if he'd always been that sweet, that mature, and if so, why she'd never quite noticed before.

So, coming out to Winn was a success; but she still hadn't used the word.

Gay.

It haunted her.

She curled up with Kara and watched endless lesbian films.

She did copious amounts of research and unhealthy amounts of thinking.

She didn't do much sleeping.

She tried again, with J'onn.

"Sir, can I talk to you?"

He'd nodded curtly and followed her into one of the private conference rooms off the main floor. He'd waited patiently as she crossed and uncrossed her arms, as she worried her hands together and her face transformed from Alex Danvers, Badass DEO Agent to Alex Danvers, Badass DEO Agent with a Conundrum that Made her Want to Cry on Her Space Dad's Shoulder.

"What is it, Alex?" His voice was concerned, gentle, and when he took a step closer, she almost collapsed into his arms, almost let herself cry so hard that they both would have toppled over, his alien strength notwithstanding.

She had promised herself she wouldn't mention Maggie. Wouldn't use her feelings for her as a crutch for coming out. She was coming out for herself. Her words - actions - whatever - they needed to be about herself.

She took a deep, shuddering breath.

"J'onn, I... lately I've been... I've been realizing something. About myself. I've been realizing something about myself and I want to share it with you because yes, my dad's still out there and we're gonna get him back, but you... you're also like my father, and I just... I need you to know..."

"Alex, are you ill?"

She laughed, then, at the way his eyes contorted with fear, the way his hands flew to her shoulders.

"No, no, no. Nothing's... nothing's wrong, I just... J'onn, I... I've been realizing that I - I don't like men."

J'onn blinked and Alex's insides slithered.

"I mean... god, I'm not good at this. I mean, I like - I have feelings for - I like women, J'onn. I like women. Romantically."

J'onn let out a deep exhale and swerved away from Alex slightly. Her entire body tensed in fear, but when he put his hands on his face and opened his mouth to speak, it wasn't with ridicule; "Oh, thank god."

It was Alex's turn to blink.

"I thought something was wrong, Alex." He sighed again. "Thank you. For telling me."

And then she'd collapsed into his chest - in relief, in gratitude - into his chest, and cried until she couldn't anymore.

He held her tightly the entire time.

But she still hadn't said the word.

Alex Danvers was used to rising to and defeating challenges the first time around. It'd been four times now; four times she'd tried to call herself gay out loud, and four times she'd chosen other words; chosen other actions.

But now she was alone, in the apartment she seldom was in except to sleep and grab breakfast on her way to the DEO; now she was alone, and she was pacing in the darkened room.

"I..." She slipped into her bathroom and gripped the edges of her sink tightly, so tightly that she feared falling if she let go.

She stared at her eyes in the mirror, at the woman staring back at her. Short hair, straight for the most part, but a little more wavy than usual these days - she grinned tearfully in memory of Kara's teasing that her hair was getting less and less straight, in tune with the rest of her - and brown eyes deep and ready, always ready, to light up at one of Kara's jokes or to narrow down into a death glare that might literally cost someone their life.

She's taken lives and she's saved them; she's watched the life leave people's eyes and she's watched the sweet ecstasy of relief sweep into them when loved ones reunited after she protected them.

She'd wept in Kara's arms when Maggie said she just wanted to be friends, and she'd chosen outfits for almost every single date, interview, and first day of school that Kara'd ever had.

She was a good sister and she was a good daughter; she was a good agent and she was a good friend (or, at least, she was learning how to be one, getting used to James and Winn and Lucy... and Maggie... being in her life, having people other than colleagues, people to socialize with).

She was a giant nerd and she was pretty damn sexy, if she did say so herself.

Alex Danvers was a lot of things.

Eliza's voice echoed in her ears, then; a memory of something her mom had told her so many years before, during her punk rock phase when she was angry at the world all the time. Or, at least, when she outwardly acknowledged that she was angry at the world all the time.

"One day, you're going to look at yourself in the mirror and you are going to absolutely, truly love the person staring back at you," Eliza had told her.

Alex breathed in. Alex breathed out. Alex gulped. Alex held her own eyes in the mirror.

"I'm gay," she said steadily to her own reflection. It felt strange, at first, uncomfortable, and it sent her into a cold sweat. But her lips couldn't help but smile, and she couldn't help but say it again. And again. And again.

"I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay."

She took a small leap of excitement that looked more characteristic of Kara than it did of her, and she ran out of the bathroom to where she'd discarded her phone on the arm of the couch earlier.

She hit a few buttons and waited breathlessly. Her heart leaped at hearing the other woman's voice on the line.

"Sawyer, it's Danvers. Want a game of pool tonight? I'm buying."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from the wonderful atsirc: "i'm loving the slow burn of sanvers, but it's also killing me. anyway, if possible, i'd like to request a one shot based around the whole "pool. tomorrow night." in which, when they meet and play pool that next night, maggie just says fuck it and makes her move."
> 
> (in which atsirc is all of us re: our love/hate relationship with Slow Burn 2k16)

Alex was admittedly not quite sure about how this whole gay thing worked.

She hated being inexperienced, but she was willing to admit she didn't quite get the whole thing yet.

But she had trouble fathoming how Maggie's speech about not wanting to imagine life without her meant that she just wanted to be… friends.

Because if some man had said that to Alex, she'd know what he'd been angling for. But with Maggie? She wasn't sure.

But she knew – could see in the look in her eyes, in the openness of her face, the warmth of her tone, her sincerity and her constant kindness throughout their relationship so far – she knew that whatever confusing logic Maggie was going with (whether she was still trying to set her down gently or cover up for something or what Alex couldn't tell), she knew that Maggie was sincere. That she wanted to be in Alex's life, and she never wanted to hurt Alex. She knew that much.

And she knew that the gigantic hole that had been sheared through her heart when Maggie rejected her that first time started to fill, bit by bit, just from looking at the woman, just from being close to her again.

She knew how deeply, how despairingly, how indescribably, she missed Maggie, no matter how much swagger she'd been showing off lately.

She still felt defensive. She still felt confused. It still hurt to look at Maggie, even as it comforted her, because she'd never in her entire life felt desire like that, and not touching her was torturous.

But she didn't want to imagine her life without Maggie in it, either.

So:

"Pool. Tomorrow night."

"Wouldn't miss it."

Then suddenly tomorrow night was here and Alex's stomach was a complete mess.

Kara was always the one who wanted help choosing what to wear. Kara was always the one who needed to endlessly process her feelings, her nerves, her excitements, her hopes, her desires.

But dammit, Alex had no idea what to wear and, for that matter, what to do with her hands, which kept wandering around to make sure her face, her eyebrows, her hair, were all decently arranged.

By the time Kara read Alex's frantic texts, Alex had changed pants three times, and was zipping her fourth choice – a pair of tight black jeans – up when Kara flew in through her window. Alex jumped and relaxed only when she saw Kara's empathetic expression.

"Well, those jeans are good, but I'm pretty sure only wearing jeans and a bra would send the wrong impression."

Alex glanced down at her shirtless body. "Or the right one."

Kara laughed, and Alex allowed herself a grin. She pulled Kara in close for a hug.

"Thanks for coming," she whispered.

"I know it was probably hard for you to ask. Thank you."

Alex shrugged, unable to handle an overly emotional sister moment right before heading into an overly emotional… friend… something… not-date-just-friends-playing-pool… moment.

Kara understood, and breezed past Alex efficiently on her way to her closet.

Hanger after hanger was pushed back, and Alex didn't bother watching the clothes; she just watched Kara's face, pouting at this shirt and squinting at others, considering, while completely ignoring some more.

"Here," she said after a while, holding up a simple red colored shirt that, if Alex remembered correctly, fit her perfectly.

"It'll bring out your figure and give you color while allowing you to also maintain the cover of 'this is cool, we'll just be friends.'"

Alex rolled her eyes but took the shirt gratefully and shrugged it onto her shoulders.

"It's just pool, Kara. I shouldn't be this nervous. Why am I so nervous?"

"Because you like her, Alex! It's okay! It's okay to be nervous; to not be in complete control of everything all the time."

Alex paused in buttoning up her shirt to glare suspiciously at Kara.

"Since when are you not hating on her?"

Kara shrugged and pointed casually at Alex's shirt; she's misaligned the buttons. Alex groaned and started again.

"Since I heard her talking about how she doesn't want to imagine her life without you, all that stuff. I don't know, Alex: I think she really cares about you. Like, a lot."

"But not… like that?"

Kara shrugged mysteriously and checked the time.

"You should get going. Gonna be late for your not date."

Alex rolled her eyes.

"Fly me there?"

Kara sighed and held out her arms. Alex stepped into them willingly.

Maggie wasn't there yet when Alex arrived.

Kara had prepped her for this possibility – not everyone had a sister that could fly at the speed of sound – and had warned her not to panic.

Alex panicked. To the tune of a shot of tequila and starting a pool game against herself to distract her shaking hands.

Kara lingered outside in the alley until she caught a glimpse of Maggie, walking quickly with a look of steely concern, almost fear, on her face.

Kara wondered if she wore that look a lot when she didn't think anyone was watching her.

"Maggie," Kara called, and Maggie jumped, but when her eyes found Kara's, her face lit into a genuine smile. She looked sincerely happy to see her, despite Kara's utter coolness the last time they'd seen each other.

"Kara! Hi! I was just about to – "

"Go see Alex, I know. Listen, Maggie." Kara took a deep breath and considered the woman in front of her. "Do you like my sister?"

"Of course I like her, she's my – "

"Your friend, I know. I know you care about her, Maggie. But do you, like… like like her?"

"Kara, that's not – "

"Because she was convinced you didn't want her, but then I hea – she told me what you said last night, and I know Alex is too nervous around you to think straight – "

Maggie chuckled at the bad pun and Kara smiled, too.

"But from what I've seen and heard of you, I think you do want her, Maggie. I think you want her and you're afraid because she's fresh off the boat or whatever you said to her, and you don't want to take away her chance to grow on her own or something. But here's the thing you might have only just started to learn about my sister: Alex knows what she wants, Maggie. Once she decides on something, she's in, she's committed, and she wants you. Not just because you're her coming out crush or whatever you think you are to her."

Maggie blinked and tried to form words unsuccessfully a few times before words actually happened. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying…" Kara thought, inexplicably, of Cat Grant. "I'm saying that my sister was brave enough to dive; are you?"

Maggie breathed in deeply and closed her eyes. By the time she opened them, Kara was gone.

She collected herself with a shaky breath, straightened her leather jacket, and strode into the bar.

"Danvers!" she called happily. Despite her terrifying – and exhilarating – encounter with Supergirl (how people didn't recognize Kara without glasses was beyond Maggie's comprehension), all concerns and stresses about what to do and how to do it vanished when she saw Alex leaning over the pool table, trying to set up a shot against herself.

Because Supergirl – Kara – didn't understand that yes, Maggie's priority was to protect Alex. But it was also to protect herself. Because what if Kara was wrong? Everyone else left Maggie. She couldn't bear it if – when – Alex did, too. And there was a lot less chance of that happening if they were friends.

Just friends.

Playing pool.

Tonight.

Alex turned and grinned, relief flooding her stomach. She reached for the glass of beer she'd ordered for Maggie.

"I wasn't sure you'd turn up," Alex said, glancing significantly at her wrist.

"I told you: I wouldn't miss it. I was just… held up, that's all. I'm sorry," she said, and tilted her glass in a toast toward Alex before sipping deeply. She moaned as the beer made its way into her system, and Alex swallowed down how much the sound turned her on.

"Tough day?" she asked, trying desperately to maintain the banter they'd had before. Before all of this.

"Mmm," Maggie answered as she shrugged out of her jacket – Alex gulped at the sleeveless white tank top that showed off Maggie's arms just so – and grabbed a cue. "Boss insisted on giving me fifteen different forms of paperwork to fill about Guardian. Seems to think that because I'm the one he put on TV condemning him, I should be the one buried in paperwork underneath finding out he didn't kill those people."

Alex furrowed her brow. "I'm sorry, Maggie. I didn't want to make your life harder – "

"No, no, Danvers, please, it's part of the job. I'm just glad we didn't arrest the wrong guy. That's a good thing. Not your fault."

She grinned up at Alex and Alex felt her insides melting, but she just nodded toward the table. "Wanna finish the game I've got against myself and then we'll play for some real stakes?"

Maggie's eyes flashed at the vague suggestiveness in Alex's tone, and she remembered strongly what Kara had said: that Alex was brave enough to dive.

Am I?

"What kinda stakes you thinking, Danvers?"

Alex reached into her back pocket, and Maggie gulped trying not to keep her eyes glued to the spot where Alex's fingers disappeared.

She tried unsuccessfully.

Alex noticed. Alex echoed her gulp.

Alex took a step closer. Maggie almost took a step back.

Two crisp twenty dollar bills were suddenly being flashed right in front of Maggie's eyes.

"Hope you plan to bring you're A game, Sawyer."

Maggie could barely breathe; all she could do was think of that kiss, their kiss, of Supergirl's basically permission – encouragement? – to do it again.

"I never bring anything less than that, Danvers."

Alex snorted as she backed away and it was the cutest thing Maggie had heard since the last time she'd heard Alex pfft.

"Maybe if never doesn't include pool."

Maggie just grinned, enjoying Alex's teasing; so different than the ruthless teasing of so many of her exes; teasing which wasn't so much teasing as it was verbal abuse; teasing that wasn't so much meant to goad gently as it was to slice into flesh and burn.

And it amazed her because Alex Danvers was ruthless; Maggie had seen it in her eyes, soldier's eyes, during missions. Like when she shot Supergirl out of that cage in the fight club.

But she also was ruthlessly kind. Her teases were not the accusations of Maggie's exes.

And Maggie knew, then, that Kara was right; she'd lost the battle of rejecting Alex before she'd even begun.

But suddenly Alex was right in front of her, again, so close that Maggie could smell the beer on her breath, mixed somehow with mint. She must have brushed her teeth before she got here, Maggie guessed dimly, comforted by her ability to detect things even as her knees went weak.

"Maggie, we gonna play or are you gonna space out like – "

The rest of Alex's sentence was lost in Maggie's mouth, and she only froze for a moment, a split, shocked second, before she grabbed Maggie by the waist – Maggie's hands were occupied with Alex's face – and pulled her closer, closer, deeper. Maggie stumbled on her tip toes and Alex held her, stepping back – their mouths still connected – until the backs of her thighs connected with the pool table. There, she fully leaned into Maggie's kiss, letting her mouth open and letting a moan slip out as Maggie's tongue flitted across her bottom lip.

They only broke apart when Alex pulled back, slightly, slightly, so she could she Maggie's eyes; so she could check if this… this… was real.

"Maggie, you said – "

"I never said I didn't want you, Alex. That was never why I… you just didn't hear me."

"But… what changed your…"

Maggie shrugged and breathed in deeply, relishing the feeling of Alex's arms wrapped casually around her waist like they'd been doing this for years.

She'd like to be doing this for years.

"A pep talk from your sister."

"Kara? What – "

"Alex. I really like her, but I don't want to be talking about your sister right now."

Alex's breath hitched and she licked her lips. "No?"

"Nnnmmm."

"What would you rather be talking about?"

"How much I like being friends with you."

Alex started and Maggie laughed, pulling her in for another kiss.

By the end of the night, M'gann had to practically kick them out of the bar to get them off the pool table.

But, powerful Martian though she was, she couldn't do anything to get them off of each other.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from pilar-at-the-disco over on tumblr: "Maggie massages Alex after an alien attack and calls it, "just friends""
> 
> Oh dear sweet Maggie trying to convince herself about this "friends" thing. Bless.
> 
> Heads up, though: Cadmus hurts Alex, badly (it's not very graphic, though), and scares her - a lot - in the first part of this, and it's referenced throughout. It's overall a very fluffy piece, but just fyi.

Alex has earned her fair share of bruises.

At any given time, she can usually count at least five on her torso, and she's long since forgotten the uninterrupted color of her shins since they're so often patched with various shades of black, blue, red, purple, green, and yellow.

But this attack had been different.

This attack had really knocked the wind out of her in more ways than Alex knew how to count.

She'd taken bullet for people, and she'd taken beatings for people.

But the thrashing that she'd taken to protect Kara today?

The lackeys from Cadmus hadn't just hit her. They'd talked to her. Talked about the things they'd do to Kara, to J'onn, to Eliza. To James, to Winn. To Maggie.

She didn't even know how they knew these people.

But they did.

And they told her, as they were kicking her in the ribs, all the things they'd do to each of them in turn. All the things they'd like her to watch.

In the end, Kara, J'onn, and Maggie had busted up the operation, had come in guns a-blazing – in Maggie's case, anyway – and the only thing Alex remembered before passing out was the feeling of panic bleeding into sweet relief; the feeling of pride at seeing Maggie break the nose of the man who'd been working her over with a sharp swing of her elbow.

She'd woken up under Kara's watchful eyes, her bed in the DEO surrounded not only by her sister, but by J'onn, James, and a very, very red-eyed Winn. And Maggie, pacing behind all of them, stitches above her left eye and looking like she could throw up at any moment.

Alex immediately tried to sit up.

Of course she did.

Four pairs of hands went to stop her. Maggie just stopped pacing and turned to look at Alex's face. Turned to stare at her conscious form, to convince herself that they'd gotten to her in time, that she was alright; that she was alright.

Alex eased herself back down with Kara's help, and found that it was easier than she expected. She felt incredibly stiff, but not the sharp pains that she usually woke up with after beatings like that.

J'onn smiled knowingly, and went so far as to sweep a stray strand of hair off Alex's forehead. "We've been improving our healing technologies; you should be stiff, but your bones are already basically healed."

"How long've I been out?" Her voice sounded like she hadn't used it in months, and tears flooded Kara's eyes as she smiled down at her sister.

"Only a few days, Alex, everything's ok – "

"A few days – "

"Told you she'd take it like this – "

"Kara, they were threatening you, all of you, my mom, they said they were gonna – "

Of all the voices the raised to try to comfort her, Alex's sought one in particular. Winn had stepped aside to let Maggie take his place next to Alex's shoulders, and it was Maggie that Alex turned to, Maggie's voice that Alex singled out of all the others'.

"Danvers, you've got a damn good team backing you up. Your mom's safe, and look at us, look. We're all safe, Danvers. Everybody's okay, Alex. We're all safe. You're safe. You did a damn good job, holding on like that until we could get to you – "

Maggie's voice broke off in bitter rage and grief that they didn't get there sooner, couldn't get there sooner. Alex noticed, but also didn't. She reached a slow, shaky hand out to Maggie's forehead.

"They hurt you."

Maggie shook her head. "I'm fine. Come on. We're gonna take you home, okay?"

Alex let her head fall back on the pillow, into Kara's open-palmed embrace, and she nodded with her eyes closed.

She felt rather than heard her friends – her family – whispering over her, and then she felt nothing.

When her eyes cracked open again, she was in her own living room, on her own couch. Soft jazz was humming in the background and someone was moving around in her kitchen.

"Kara?" She tried to sit up, and succeeded this time, but thought that the stiffness really might be the death of her.

"Danvers! You're awake!"

Maggie's dimples melted her insides and tensed her outsides. "Maggie? What – "

Maggie was holding a frying pan in one hand and a spatula in the other. She quickly set them down, fiddled with something on the stove, and came over to the couch.

"Kara thought you should be home instead of at the DEO, but she has three separate deadlines for that Snapper guy, so I said I could take you."

They stared at each other and both of them gulped.

"Home. That I could take you home. And I uh… I figured you might be hungry when you got up, so… Kara told me you have a thing for pancakes."

Alex nodded slowly, the bruising on her neck aching terribly. "Yeah."

She raised a hand to her neck and started trying to rub out the pain with her fingers. But her arms, too, felt demolished. She squeezed her eyes shut with the effort.

"Hey, hey, no, don't do that. Lay down."

"Maggie."

"Alex. Lay down."

Alex didn't know she could be any stiffer than she already was; she was wrong.

"Why?"

Maggie threw up her hands like she was trying to imitate Kara, a small smile pushing up her dimples. "Because you clearly need a serious massage, Danvers, and I – " she waggled her fingers at her, "happen to be quite excellent in that department."

I bet you are.

"Maggie." There was gravel in Alex's voice, and Maggie didn't miss that it had dropped several octaves. "I don't know if that's such a great idea." Her voice was small, now, so different from the way she'd said her name, and Maggie's insides wilted, hating that Alex thought she was alone in this struggle, that she thought Maggie didn't want her.

Ugh.

"Danvers. What're friends for but to massage each other after nearly fatal alien attacks, huh?"

Alex rolled her eyes, but relented; she'd only ever let Kara massage her. Only ever let Kara see her, touch her, when she was that vulnerable, laying on her stomach, back exposed, unable to see behind her, body relaxed. But there was something in Maggie's eyes; there was something about Maggie's voice; there was something about Maggie Sawyer that made Alex shift and start to lay down on her stomach, slowly, slowly, because of the pain.

"Um. I don't mean to – I mean – I'd be able to give you a better massage if you were – if you were in your bed. I can't uh… not enough room, really, on the couch…"

Alex didn't understand – how does one need room for a massage? – but her body was longing for gentle touches – Maggie's touches – and so she dragged herself up and into her bedroom, barely breathing at the idea of Maggie following her.

This was certainly not how either of them had pictured first going to bed together.

Alex set herself down face first and felt Maggie standing above her, hesitating; staring.

She heard her gulp, and she shifted her head to look up at her. "You okay?"

Maggie gulped again and tore her eyes away from Alex's ass.

"Yeah. Uh… yeah."

Alex closed her eyes again, body tingling with anticipation; what a relief to be anticipating enjoying a touch instead of terror at how much it was going to hurt, how badly it was going to tear into her.

The bed tilted down as Maggie joined her on her left side, and Alex held her breath; but then the bed went down again on her right side, and – Oh. Okay. Oh. – she felt Maggie straddle her gently, resting her inner thighs just above the curve of Alex's ass.

She must have said her thoughts aloud – her "ohs" – because Maggie froze and started immediately to get off of her.

"I'm sorry, I don't have to – "

"No, no, I just… I just realize now what you meant by you needed more space. Because of course you'd have a better position to give my a massage by being on top of me, that only makes sense, I should have thought – "

"Alex."

"Yeah."

"We cool?"

"Yeah. Like you said, what are friends for, right?"

Maggie grimaced and was grateful Alex couldn't see. "Right."

Whatever Alex had been expected from Maggie's massage, from Maggie's touch – and she'd fully expected it to set her body on fire, no matter what Maggie said about just a massage between alien-fighting friends – it hadn't prepared her for this.

Because the moment Maggie's fingers touched her neck, her shoulders, her back – was the most sensual, sexual, intimate, incredible feeling Alex had ever known.

Aside from their first kiss, of course.

But now Maggie was basically sitting on Alex's ass, both of her hands working attentively at each part of her body that the DEO had healed but couldn't quite work the stiffness out of; now they were alone, now they were in Alex's bed, now there was soft jazz flowing in from the living room and now there was the way that Maggie's fingers touched her with complete attention, complete focus, testing first, always, to see if a particular spot would be painful before pressing down into the knots that Cadmus had tied in her body.

Alex moaned as Maggie found a spot that they'd worked over particularly well, and Maggie filed it away as one of the most magnificent sounds she'd ever heard.

She was happy her mouth was so far up away from Alex's ears; she was happy Alex couldn't hear how hard her heart was beating, how heavily she was breathing, feeling Alex's ass, Alex's skin, underneath hers.

She was happy, and she was in agony; she wanted to murder the people who had done this to Alex. But not now. Now, she needed to take care of her.

She concentrated, diligently seeking out every spot that gave Alex pain, and she massaged every inch of her back, her neck, her shoulders, her arms, her hands methodically, passionately. Perfectly.

"Mmm, Maggie, how do you do that?" Alex asked while Maggie was working on the small of her back, biting her lip to keep some semblance of control at the bruising she found there when she lifted up Alex's shirt slightly for better traction, the desperation she felt to kiss each one, to weep at the idea of someone hurting her, to cry at the idea of not being able to make love to this woman right here, right now.

She took a few steadying breaths before trusting herself to respond. "A good massage is equal parts hand strength, knowledge of anatomy, and attentiveness and thought about the body of the person being massaged."

"Spend a lot of time thinking about my body, Sawyer?"

Yes. So much. So, so much.

"Hush up and let me work, Danvers. Unless you want me to stop?"

Alex practically squeaked in protest, and Maggie added it to her collection of perfect sounds.

So she didn't stop.

She didn't stop until she could tell from her breathing that Alex was half asleep again. Maggie ran her fingernails up and down her back, her arms, gently, gently, a few times to ease Alex out of the massage before bracing her hands on either side of her limp, resting body.

She lowered her body carefully, carefully, in something like a push up, until her lips were just above the nape of Alex's neck.

She pressed a tender, lingering kiss to the spot and she felt Alex hum contentedly in response.

Unable to take anymore, Maggie swung herself off of Alex without moving the bed, and silently crept back into the kitchen.

She clutched the edge of the sink for a few long, long minutes, trying to collect herself.

"Pancakes," she reminded herself. "Kara says she'll want pancakes when she wakes up."

So she cooked while Alex slept off her first non-sisterly massage.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from iamthebombandiknowit: "Alex/Maggie maggie getting amazed and aroused at the fact alex can sing"
> 
> So I should say at this point that chapter 4 this fic has Alex singing - but this is a request of a different nature, a different specificity, so I took it in a completely different direction than my first thoughts on Maggie hearing Chyler Alex – sing. I hope it's satisfactory! :)

Maggie knew it would be hard being just friends with Alex.

But she didn't know quite how hard.

For example: when Alex would stick her tongue out in concentration while setting up a particularly difficult shot at pool.

For example: when she would catch Alex staring at her sometimes, and it was all she could do not beg her to listen, just one more time, to the fact that Maggie did want her; the timing was just all wrong. All terrifying.

For example: when they rescued Jeremiah, and Alex spent an entire week without leaving his side, insisting on introducing Maggie to him in a capacity beyond 'she helped me rescue you,' and having Papa Danvers look at her in the same way J'onn did – like he knew Alex was in love with her, like he knew she was in love with Alex, and like he was just waiting for Alex to introduce her as her girlfriend, already.

For example: when Alex broke down crying after she finally came back to her apartment after spending that week alongside Jeremiah in the DEO, never going home, barely sleeping, like she was afraid that if she blinked, he'd be gone again. She fell into Maggie's arms the second they crossed the threshold of the apartment, and though it was genuinely Maggie's pleasure to be there for her, she wanted to be able to press kisses everywhere, not just to Alex's forehead.

For example: when, the next morning – Alex had, sobbing, asked Maggie to please stay before she passed out crying with pent up relief, rage, grief, and the thousands of other emotions that come from finding your long dead father after so many years – Maggie woke up on the floor next to the couch, where Alex had fell asleep, with a blanket draped around her and a pillow tucked under her head. Maggie certainly hadn't given herself those comforts the night before, just laid down next to Alex and watched her breathing steadily long enough to be satisfied she wouldn't have night terrors before passing out herself.

For example: when, that morning, Maggie woke up to an unfamiliar sound in her ears. The sound of gas on a stove, the harsh sizzling of oil; the sound of someone cooking for her.

But there was another sound, a sound that made it impossible for Maggie to see Alex as just a friend; the sound of Alex's voice.

She was singing. Alex Badass Danvers was singing. Softly, granted, careful to not wake Maggie. Softly, granted, careful to not be overheard because Maggie imagined singing went into the "too vulnerable to do in front of people" category for Alex.

But god, her voice was beautiful.

"'Cause you can't jump the track,

We're like cars on a cable, and

Life's like an hour glass glued to the table,

No one can find the rewind button,

Girl,

So cradle your head in your hands.

And breathe,

Just breathe."

She could hear the tears in Alex's voice as she pushed the notes out perfectly, more perfectly than Maggie had ever heard anything. The small wavers in her voice sent shivers down Maggie's core, the tremors of emotion, of vocal uncertainty, making the quality of her soft voice that much more perfect; that much more gorgeous.

Maggie wanted to stay there, laying on Alex's living room floor, wrapped in a blanket that smelled so much like everything that was Alex Danvers, listening to Alex sing.

But she sat up, stood up; because to listen without Alex's knowledge would be unacceptable to Maggie's moral code.

Alex started when she saw her, and she stopped singing abruptly.

"I woke you. I'm sorry." Her eyes were still red from last night's crying.

Maggie rubbed her own eyes, trying to be as casual as humanly possible. She smiled, and watched Alex melt slightly. She smiled harder.

"You don't have to stop, you know. Singing. I… your voice is really pretty."

"Pretty."

Maggie gulped and fought down how badly she wanted to take the woman in front of her to bed, the woman with enough passion inside her to be ruthless at work and softly sing a song like Breathe (2 a.m.) at home.

Maybe she was emboldened by the heady look in Alex's eyes; or maybe it was by how intensely waking up to… this… had turned Maggie on. Either way, Maggie stepped forward, stepped toward Alex.

"Better than pretty. Alex, your voice is gorgeous."

And suddenly the woman with the doe eyes was back, the one who pffted at compliments and crossed her arms across her chest like she was trying to hold in her giddy excitement at merely being close to Maggie.

"You think so?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Maybe I should uh… sing for you more."

"I'd like that. If you wanted to."

"Well hey… what are friends for?"

"Mmmhmm."

Their lips were about to touch and Maggie's hands were about to reach out for Alex's when something on the stove started sizzling, burning, yelping for attention.

Alex cursed and jumped to turn off the now burnt oil that she'd been preparing to drop pancake batter into.

She likes my singing, huh?

She'd have to talk to Kara about setting up a karaoke night…


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt request from atsirc over on tumblr: "i have been dying for a post-2x06 sanvers one shot where maggie is downing shots at the bar and alex is back at her place downing her bottle of liquor after kara leaves, set to the song need you now by lady antebellum, and one of them caves and calls"

It had taken Kara two and a half hours and three solid sobbing sessions for Alex to be convinced that it was okay if she stayed home from work to take care of herself; that, especially with jobs that required you to be on all the time, it was also so important to assert when you needed to take care of yourself. And J'onn would understand. Of course he would. No one _minded_ that Alex wasn't there; just worried. As long as Alex was okay, everything was fine.

Alex relented, and they hugged, and Kara kissed her forehead, and tucked her into blankets on the couch with reruns of Harry Potter on mute in the background to help lull Alex to sleep. Kara looked back at Alex one last time before flying out the window and back to the DEO, relieved to see that even though the skin between her eyebrows was still creased with worry, with humiliation, and with heartbreak, so was breathing steadily and her body wasn't completely sunken in despair anymore.

And she knew she hadn't made a mistake in coming out.

Satisfied, Kara took off.

But Alex had no intention of sleeping it off.

She had _every_ intention, though, of drinking it off.

Glass forgotten, she sat up and reached straight for the bottle of whiskey she'd been working her way through when Kara had arrived.

It was midnight. More whiskey. Maggie didn't want her.

It was 12:15. Just another shot of whiskey. Maggie wanted her, but was too afraid to admit it.

It was 12:30. She should probably get a glass of water. _Of course_ Maggie didn't want her. Why would she? Maggie thought she was naïve, and probably stupid, too. And she probably was.

It was 12:45. Water tasted good. So did whiskey. Maggie didn't know what she was missing. She could be _great_ at this whole gay thing; she just had to be given a chance.

It was 1 am. She could swear she had another bottle of whiskey somewhere. Maggie was so tough. And so smart. And beautiful. So beautiful.

It was a quarter after one. Alex's phone rang.

* * *

 

It had been early in the evening when Alex walked in, when she told her she'd come out to Kara; when Maggie had hugged her, asked her what she was having, and gotten pulled back into the best kiss she'd ever, ever had.

She was glad Alex's eyes stayed closed for those precious few moments after Maggie pulled back. She'd needed that time to collect herself. To convince herself that she had to do the right thing. For both of them.

She liked her – _of course_ she did – she thought sometimes her ex had sensed it, had sensed the woman who started occupying the top of her thoughts at all times, even though Maggie had staunchly refused to engage in so much as actively thinking about Alex in that way when she'd been involved. She was loyal that way, even when she probably shouldn't be.

She wasn't good at this, and Alex was brand new at this, and Maggie didn't think her heart could take it if one day she woke up and Alex wasn't in her life anymore.

She'd thought that turning her down gently – for both of their sakes, right? – would help, would let them just be friends, because no way Alex's feelings for someone like her could be anywhere nearly as deep as Maggie's feelings for Alex, right? It was just a crush, just giddiness, just the high.

Right? Because who could _possibly_ love Maggie the way it looked like Alex was starting to love her when she looked at her?

But the look in Alex's eyes? The hurt? Maggie had been wrong. Those feelings were deep, not just a coming out crush that they could work through, still be friends with.

The very thing she feared? Losing Alex? Looked like it was happening after all.

Typical, that it would be Maggie's fault.

She left the bar immediately, before she could drink anymore. She got on the back of her Triumph and drove. Drove and drove and drove, took her to 100 miles an hour on the open road, drove for miles, drove for hours, until it was around midnight.

She drove herself back to the bar.

It was midnight. She ordered three shots of whiskey. Alex Danvers was the best thing that had happened to her, maybe ever. And she just lost her.

It was 12:15. She grimaced as the fourth shot went down. Alex was a damn good kisser. She _wanted_ her. And Maggie had turned her away. How _sociopathic_ could you get?

It was 12:30. M'gann was starting to look skeptical, so she cut back on the shots and got a beer instead. She could fall in love with Alex. She probably started to the moment she first laid eyes on her, if she was honest.

It was 12:45. She accepted the water from M'gann. How could she be so _stupid_? She must have sounded so stupid to Alex. Sure, okay, yes, heightened and shiny, a known gay fact, but did that give her the right to take away Alex's right to choose? To decide for herself what was too risky? But it was too risky for Maggie, too, and she got a vote.

It was 1 a.m. She put on her best sad face – it wasn't hard – and succeeded in getting two more shots – and another glass of water – from M'gann. Was Alex okay? How could she do that to her? And then sit here and wallow in her own selfish pain while Alex was somewhere, probably crying, obviously crushed?

It was a quarter after one. M'gann nudged her and pointed to her ear. Listen.

"I can't fight it anymore.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me, it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one,

I'm all alone and I need you now.

I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and

I need you now.

And I don't know how I can do without.

I just need you now."

"Trying to tell me something, M'gann?"

In answer, the bartender just slid Maggie's phone closer to her hand.

Maggie swallowed, picked it up, and swallowed again.

She dialed.

Alex stared at the phone like it was a tiny alien bent on invading the earth. But her shaking fingers pressed the little green notification nonetheless.

"Sawyer," she answered in her best imitation of someone who was very much sober and very much a professional alien ass-kicker.

There was a pause on the other line – too long – and Alex thought she caught a snippet of a Lady Antebellum in the background.

"Maggie," she said into the phone insistently, hoping against hope that the woman hadn't butt-dialed her.

"Alex. Hey."

The voice on the other line wasn't exactly rip-roaring drunk, but not exactly sober – Alex wondered vaguely if that's how she sounded – but the one thing that Maggie's voice definitively was was almost… mournful.

Alex's heart sank, even in her own pain and humiliation, to hear Maggie sound so… defeated.

"Hi."

"Are you okay?" Maggie blurted like she'd never get another chance to speak if she didn't rush the question out right away.

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" Alex's voice was testy now, sharpish and not at all open. She practically heard Maggie's head hit the bar on the other end of the line.

"Because you kissed me and I kissed you back but then I stopped and I don't think you understand, _really_ understand, why I did that."

"Fresh off the boat isn't your thing, Maggie, I understood that loud and clear."

She heard Maggie groaning in frustration and then something like several large gulps of water. Or whiskey. Alex couldn't be sure which.

"No, no, _Alex_ , that's not why I – listen. I – "

She heard Maggie pause and thought she heard a snippet of that same song.

"I'm a little drunk

And I need you now"

"Maggie Sawyer, are you drunk dialing me to country pop music from the late 2000s?"

"Alex Danvers, are you drunkenly identifying country pop music from the late 2000s over the phone?"

She heard M'gann laugh and a muffled "Shut up" from Maggie.

"I'm sorry – "

"No, not you, I didn't mean you, Alex. M'gann – never mind. Listen, I – fine, okay, I _am_ a little drunk, and I do. Need you. Now. I… I want… Alex, listen, can we try this again? Tomorrow night? I'll buy you the drink I promised for coming out to Kara and I – we can – we can try this again."

"Try what again, you rejecting me?"

"No, Alex, that's the part that I'm trying to explain – look, Danvers, I don't want to lose you. And I hate thinking of you in pain – "

"I'm not in pain – "

"Okay. Whatever you say. _I'm_ in pain. Because I want us to be… I want us to be good. Okay? Can we try that? Can we be good? Please, Alex?"

A long pause, and Alex stares at the blanket Kara'd wrapped around her like its surface contains deep philosophical life answers of some kind.

"You getting soft on me, Sawyer?"

"Is that a yes, Danvers?"

Another long pause, and the whiskey takes over.

"I think I need you, too. I mean, not need, like, I can take care of myself, but like you said, we make a good team, and I – "

"You know it was a sweet thing to say, Danvers, until you overexplained it – "

"I'll see you tomorrow night, Sawyer. Don't be late." She hesitated, but the whiskey and the headiness of Maggie still awake, still thinking about her, still drinking about her, being vulnerable enough to call her, to say she needed her; all that took over. "Wear something nice," she added, half-hoping Maggie had already hung up.

She hadn't.

"I'd say the same to you, but you always look incredible, Alex. See you tomorrow. Drink some water."

"You, too. Night."

"Night."

Alex passed out, then and there, with a gigantic grin on her face, and Maggie? M'gann got her a cab home, and the entire way, she explained to the cabbie how deeply she was falling for this beautiful, tough, incredible girl and how she almost destroyed everything but then maybe saved it tonight.

"Got yourself quite a love story there, darling," the cabbie told her after she tipped generously and swayed out of the car in front of her apartment.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I do."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymousasked:
> 
> Hey, if you got the time could you please write a Sanvers fic where Alex risks her life for Kara because we all know Alex, that hoe takes bullets for her BULLETPROOF sister, and maybe gets hurt and Maggie gets mad and scared? (Bonus Points if Maggie finds out this way that Kara is Supergirl)
> 
> Perhaps this is obvious from the prompt, but be aware that this gets violent (but of course our babies will be fine and in love ans safe, my name isn't Jason Rothenberg).

Kara doesn't see the Kryptonite-based, diamond-tipped bullets speeding toward her.

So she doesn't understand, at first, why Maggie is breaking formation; why Maggie is screaming her sister's name; why Maggie is sprinting across the warehouse, across the warehouse whose walls are shattering from the barrage of machine gun fire she is blazing through.

She doesn't understand, until she hears a sickening ripping open of flesh.

Doesn't understand until she looks down to see Maggie get there just in time to catch Alex as her limp body falls; until she sees Maggie cradle Alex's bleeding form with one arm and unloading five rounds rapid of bullets into the chests of the two Cadmus lackeys who'd shot at Kara.

Who'd hit Alex. Because Kara didn't see, because Alex dove.

And Alex's blood is pouring out of her shredded torso, flooding onto Maggie's hands, soaking into Maggie's clothes, and Maggie's gun is firing and Maggie is not missing a single target.

Kara sees only red and Kara seees only her sister and Kara has sworn never to kill but Alex is pale and Alex is starting to seize and suddenly Kara is realizing that there is no one left to rage at; no one left to even consider killing, consider maiming, consider hating – except herself, because Alex, Alex, Alex – no one left because Maggie has left no one standing.

So now there is only the eerie silence that accompanies the aftermath of Maggie's loaded gun; now there is only J'onn sprinting and Kara flying and Alex's third-in-command shouting orders for an immediate medical evac and Maggie ripping at her shirt and using it to stem Alex's bleeding – to try to stem Alex's bleeding – her hands the color of a Halloween prank gone wrong; her hands the color of war.

Kara lands and Kara yells and Kara convulses and J'onn's arms try to contain her and she knows nothing else.

* * *

 

"Alex," she sits bolt upright, and J'onn regards her gravely.

"She's still unconscious after surgery, she's with Detective Sawyer, she – "

Kara is gone, Kara is sprinting, Kara is slamming her way into the emergency medical bay; Kara is not at all slowed down by the sedative J'onn must have injected her with to bring her back to the DEO in one piece.

The thing that stops Kara in her tracks is the sight of Maggie; Maggie with stitches holding together her shooting arm; Maggie covered in a combination of her own blood and her girlfriend's; Maggie sitting beside Alex's bed, face blank, not even flinching at the bang Kara causes when she careens into the room.

Eyes are empty. Eyes staring at Alex's still too pale face.

Eyes with the ghosts of eight dead Cadmus gunmen – eight dead Cadmus people – screaming behind their shutters.

"You were shot," Kara says to Maggie simply, dully, as she trembles forward to take Alex's limp, IV-ed hand into her own, finding the pulse in her fingers and breathing for the first time since she saw her sister falling.

Maggie doesn't look at her. Maggie's face, her body, doesn't register that she heard her at all. Her shirt is still dripping with Alex's blood, a sickening counterpoint to the machines measuring Alex's weak vital signs. Her hands are crusted dark red.

Kara turns to J'onn, who's slipped into the room behind her, arms folded across his chest and staring, grim-faced, between the girls. His girls.

He shakes his head slightly at her, and Kara tries again.

"Maggie. You were shot."

Maggie's expression still doesn't change, and her eyes don't leave Alex's face, but she swallows and she breathes and she opens her mouth and her voice creaks like she hasn't used it in years when she says, "I didn't notice."

Kara bites her lip and J'onn stares at the floor.

"You got her out of there, Detective Sawyer. You got her out in time. She's strong. She'll fight, and she'll be just fine – "

"You're _bulletproof_ ," Maggie ignores J'onn and moves for the first time, fixing her eyes on Kara. Eyes sharp enough, eyes enraged enough, to obliterate the chests of three Cadmus men, to shatter the skulls of five, even with her own arm riddled with their bullets.

Because they massacred everyone in the bar. People she had cared for. People she had loved.

And god dammit, they would not take Alex Danvers from her, too.

And those eyes, that gaze, that rage, she's focusing now on Kara – on Supergirl – on the woman whose cape alone can shield people from full out explosions, whose fingers could crush bullets, whose hands could toss an entire alien prison into space.

"You. Are. _Bulletproof_ ," she spits again, and she rises this time.

Winn's pale-faced sprint through the hall comes to an abrupt halt when he hears Maggie's yell. He grimaces, and tears flood his eyes. He swallows, and he sprints back in the opposite direction, his face a mask of grim determination.

"The bullets were laced with Kryptonite, Detec – " J'onn tries, stepping up to Kara's side like he's bracing for Maggie to attack. Because he is.

"I don't care if they were laced with nuclear explosives. You're _bulletproof_ and you people have her so brainwashed into doing her job _perfectly_ that she shredded her abdomen for you, she might right now be _dying_ for you, and to what, spare you a little _pain_? My _god_ , you think you're so high and mighty that you – "

"Maggie – "

"Not the time, Winn," she growls and he cowers, breathless in the doorway, but he doesn't move.

"Yes, now, Maggie. Listen, you love Alex. So does J'onn. So do I. And so…" He takes a deep breath and glances at Kara, who holds her breath at J'onn, who nods once. "And so does Kara."

"What the hell does Kara have to do with this?"

Winn gulps and Winn passes Kara the glasses he'd run to get. She breathes and she uses one hand – the other is still holding Alex's – to put them on.

Maggie furrows her brow and Maggie blinks and Maggie stares and Maggie's stomach implodes and Maggie collapses.

Knees crash into the cold ground, shoulders wrack with silent sobs, with indefinable grief.

Because now – because Supergirl is Kara, damnit, and Alex, Alex, _of course_ , Alex – now suddenly her rage has nowhere to go, no one to be poured into, and it might just destroy her.

She doesn't hear James run into the room and she doesn't hear him when he moves behind Alex's bed and kneels next to her. She recognizes his hands, his scent, surrounding her as he gathers he into his arms, pulls her against his chest.

She recognizes him, recognizes who's holding her. And she hits him anyway.

Hits at him, stronger with one arm than the other because the force of her flat fisted punches nearly rip her stitches open. She hits at him, tears her throat with her guttural, futile yells, hits at him harder.

Kara sobs and Winn covers his mouth with his hands and J'onn looks carefully away and James absorbs every blow, just shushing Maggie softly and wrapping his arms even tighter around her raging, trembling, breaking body until her punches become sobs and her yells become desperate gasps for air.

None of them knows how long they stay like that; how long Maggie's body wracks with wasted rage and consuming terror; how long James stares at Kara through Maggie's mess of hair, whispering wordless comfort to the woman who ran across a machine gun sprayed room to get to one of his best friends; how long Winn's hand alternates between covering his face and running worriedly through his hair, the other firmly holding Kara's free hand; how long tears stream down Kara's face, alternating her gaze between James's sad eyes and Alex's closed one; how long J'onn doesn't breathe, holding his arms across his chest because if he moves them – if he stops physically holding himself together – he might just break, too.

None of them know how long they hold vigil before Alex coughs, before Alex rasps her sister's name.

"I'm here. I'm here, Alex. You're okay, everyone's okay – "

Alex blinks her eyes open slowly, groggily.

"We need to update our body armor," she chokes, and J'onn and Winn laugh dryly while Kara sobs.

Maggie is frozen at the sound of her voice, frozen at the sound that life makes when it needs to let you know there's still some hope in the world.

"Where's Maggie?" Alex wants to know next, and James puts a tentative hand to Maggie's blood-sprayed face, leaving a fresh print of Alex's blood on her cheek from having held Maggie's stained body and sopping clothes so close. She stares up at him with faint surprise, like she's forgotten that anyone else exists. Anyone but the woman asking softly, asking painfully, for her.

"I'm here, Danvers," she croaks, and she swallows, and she accepts James's hands as he pulls her to her feet.

"You got hurt," Alex pales even deeper than before, panic rising in her eyes as Maggie rises into view and Kara holds Alex down to the bed. Maggie laughs dryly.

"Most of the blood's yours, babe."

Alex blinks and sinks back down and twitches the fingers of the hand that's not being held by Kara toward Maggie.

Maggie gulps and Maggie steps forward and Maggie bends down and Maggie kisses each of Alex's fingers, her knuckles, the back of her hand. A single tear blinks down Alex's face as she registers the tear-streaked blood stains on her love's face.

"I'm okay," she tells her. "I'll be okay."

"You almost died."

"What, and left you all to deal with Winn without me? Not getting rid of me that easy, Sawyer."

A single, dry sob wracks Maggie's chest and Alex blinks out another tear.

"Too soon. Sorry. To Maggie. Not to you, Schott."

Winn laughs wetly and puts his hand on her ankle and she winks at him as best she can.

"You gave us quite the scare, Alex," J'onn tells her, still subtly hugging himself, and Alex fights to focus on his face.

"I'll be okay." She turns to Maggie. "You caught me."

Gunshots – her gunshots, lethal gunshots – ring through Maggie's ears and her love's blood pours through her fingers. She kisses Alex's hand again.

"I'll always catch you, Alex. Just maybe a little warning next time you take a stomach full of bullets for your sister, okay?"

"For my…" Alex turns groggily to Kara and blinks in swooping, sudden recognition of the strange sight of her glasses with her Supergirl outfit. "You told her? They told you?"

Maggie nods and smoothes Alex's hair out of her face, trying to answer her unspoken are you angry at me for lying with her eyes, with her hands, with the way her heart is beating only for her, only for the woman whose need to be perfect, whose constant sense of shock that Maggie likes – loves – her, whose insistence on taking bullets for a bulletproof superhero, suddenly and perfectly make sense.

And makes her love her all the more.

Kara reaches over Alex's bed to touch Maggie's shoulder.

"Of course we told her, Alex. She's family."


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymousasked:
> 
> 2situations: maggie saying "I'm yours alex, I'll do anything you want" in a sexual scenario and alex saying "you are mine maggie, do you understand that?" In a non sexual scenario... maybe in a fight? in a "I can't lose you" way.
> 
> I took this in a very very angsty – but also deeply loving – direction, so it starts out very violent. Don’t worry – our girls will be safe and in love and alright, of course, because I’m not Jason Rothenberg. But, just a heads up.

The latest string of Cadmus kidnappings has been targeting local cops. The ones whose bodies they’ve found – the ones whose bodies had still been recognizable – had all been shot in the head. Had all been brought back to life in some absurd way before dying again. Had all had “property of Cadmus” tattooed on their dissected chests.

So when they’re pinned down in a fire fight and Alex grabs Maggie by the shoulders and looks her fiercely in the eyes, Maggie understands the promise Alex is making her when she says, “You are _mine_ , Maggie, do you understand that?”

 _Hers_. Not Cadmus’s. Never Cadmus’s. _Hers_.

Maggie nods and Maggie’s body goes through the motions she was trained for as Alex makes good on her promise to keep Maggie safe, to keep Maggie from being branded anyone else’s.

Making good on her promise involves Alex knocking Maggie down, knocking Maggie away from a bullet that whistles right past her head, missing her temple by mere centimeters; making good on her promise involves Alex putting two bullets in the brain of the man who’d fired the shot; making good on her promise means Alex fighting hand-to-hand, back-to-back with Maggie, burying a knife into someone’s stomach and ignoring her own bruised ribs to shatter to ulna of the soldier who’d slashed a gaping wound into Maggie’s side.

Making good on her promise leaves a wake of broken Cadmus bodies; making good on her promise reminds Alex just how ruthless she is when someone threatens the people she loves, just how much blood she has on her hands; just how much blood she will track out of there with her boots.

But the only thing concerning her now is that none of that blood is Maggie’s.

* * *

 

She’s quiet as they patch each other up, quiet as she keeps hearing that bullet whizzing past Maggie’s temple.

She’s quiet as they crack open two bottles of beer and collapse on the couch after two very long, very separate showers.

She sits right outside the bathroom door while Maggie steams up the bathroom. She can’t shake the feeling that she’s guarding her. Because she is.

During her own shower, she barely notices her own body, barely notices the swirls of metallic red coursing off her arms, off her face, out of her hair, down her legs, down the drain. Barely notices her stiffness or the spots that sting harshly on contact with soap, on contact with water, on contact with air.

She rushes. She needs to have her eyes on Maggie. She needs to have her hands on Maggie.

She rushes, but it still takes a long time to make the water run clear, not red.

She rushes, because she needs to touch Maggie, needs to see Maggie.

Because a bullet almost opened Maggie’s skull, and Alex can’t breathe.

Maggie passes a beer to her silently as Alex pads out of the bedroom in Kara’s old National City University tee and her old Stanford sweats. Maggie is wrapped in Alex’s softest button down and a pair of basketball shorts and a cloud of lavender incense.

Alex looks at her and Alex puts down her beer without drinking it and Alex can’t tolerate one more moment of not touching her, not feeling her, not hearing her.

“Maggie,” she says, and her voice is raw, ragged, wrecked.

Maggie looks up and Maggie immediately understands, setting aside her own drink and standing, letting her body melt into Alex’s, letting every one of her curves, every one of her lacerations, every one of her bruises, match up with every one of Alex’s.

“Alex.” She reaches her hands up to touch Alex’s still terrified face, still wet hair, but Alex hisses and Alex backs away and Maggie drops her hands and Maggie blinks.

“Babe, what – ”

“Maggie, I…” _You almost died. You almost died and I need you, I need to_ consume _you so you can stay safe inside my body, as my body, but I swear if I touch you as deeply as I need to I will break you with the force of it, so I can’t bare to touch you at all, can’t bare to breathe, can’t bare to not touch you, because what if you disappear?_

“Maggie, I… I need…” Her eyes are a raging storm and her eyes are feasting on Maggie’s damp hair and soft body like she’s been tortured and starved her entire life until this very moment.

“Take it, Alex,” Maggie tells her, her voice low, her voice soft, her voice nectar, her voice knowing. “Take what you need.”

_If I do, you’ll break; and if I don’t, I’ll explode and the force of that will break you, too._

“I’m yours, Alex. I’ll do anything you want.”

Alex’s pupils expand to fill her eyes, and she fights to remember what it is to breathe, what it is to do anything but use all her strength to hold back from violently, gently, tenderly, ravishing the wide-eyed, open-lipped woman staring steadily up at her.

“I need to see your body,” she finds herself rasping, and Maggie inhales silently, sharply. “Undress for me.”

Because god knows if Alex even lays of a finger on her, she will have control over nothing – _nothing_ – except, of course, Maggie’s body.

And with the ferocity she needs to touch her right now? She doesn’t trust herself with that, no matter how trusting, no matter how open, no matter how willing, Maggie’s words and eyes are.

So Maggie swallows and Maggie obeys, her eyes never leaving Alex’s face as she slowly, laboriously undoes each button; as she shrugs out of Alex’s flannel, braless and exposing her breasts along with her stitched up side, fully to Alex. She swallows and licks her lips and keeps her eyes locked in Alex’s as she hooks her thumbs into her basketball shorts, into her boy shorts, tugging them both down in one motion, letting them drop and pool around her ankles with the shirt.

Maggie takes a long breath as Alex’s barely controlled eyes rake every inch of her naked body, cataloguing every bruise, every scratch.

Every place where bullets almost pulverized her organs and left her at the mercy of Cadmus.

“What else do you need, Alex?” Maggie asks, because Maggie _knows_.

“Bedroom,” she says, and Maggie leads the way, stopping and turning when she reaches the bed.

“I’m yours, Alex,” she reminds her.

“Lay down,” Alex worships, and Maggie provides.

But Alex shakes her head.

“On your stomach,” she corrects, and Maggie barely holds in a gasp, barely bites down the heat Alex’s need is shooting through her core. She shifts, crawling higher up onto the bed. Shifts, so she’s resting on her stomach, grateful that most of her stitches wrap around her side. She looks over her shoulder so she can see Alex, still standing, still staring like she can’t quite believe Maggie is real, alive, here, still so carefully restraining herself.

With other women, Maggie has always been resistant to lay on her stomach, naked. Resistant to being this exposed, this open, this vulnerable.

But she knows – she knows, because she understands – that Alex needs her exposed, needs her open, needs her vulnerable.

So that she can feel Maggie’s pulse leaping underneath her, safe and unharmed and alive and protected, by Alex’s body covering hers, by Alex’s body on top of hers.

She knows Alex needs to feel that, and _god_ , she needs to feel it, too.

“Alex. I’m not gonna break. I’m not gonna disappear. I’m yours, Al. I told you: I’ll do anything you want. I want to do anything you want. Anything.”

“Stop talking,” Alex growls as Alex breaks, completely overcome now, and Maggie obeys, and Maggie’s entire body keens as Alex’s is suddenly covering hers, suddenly pressed perfectly against her ass, her back, her thighs, Alex’s fingers not knowing whether to seal themselves over Maggie’s wrists, Maggie’s waist, Maggie’s ass, so they settle everywhere and nowhere all at once before she braces herself up on one hand and wraps the other under Maggie’s body, around her waist, pausing to wait for Maggie’s desperate nod before slipping her fingers through her curls, skimming across her clit, moaning and grinding down onto Maggie’s ass when her fingers go still lower to find how wet Maggie is for her.

“Take what you need, Alex,” Maggie begs, erratically driving her ass back into Alex, her hips down onto Alex’s hand, and Alex kisses the back of her neck, and Alex pushes deep inside of her.

Maggie whines and Maggie arches her back and Maggie sighs and Maggie is careful not to scream because that isn’t the sound Alex needs to hear from her right now.

Alex groans and Alex fucks her deeper and Alex grinds her teeth to keep from screaming, because that isn’t the sound Maggie needs to hear from her right now.

“Mine,” Alex husks into Maggie’s ear as she curves her fingers just so inside her, as Maggie grinds her clit down onto Alex’s palm and grabs desperately for Alex’s free hand to link their fingers together.

“Yours,” Maggie gasps, and Maggie cums all over Alex’s hand, barely noticing how the tightening of every part of her body shoots new aches through her injuries, conscious only of Alex’s body on top of hers, Alex’s moaning and rocking her way through her own orgasm against Maggie’s ass, body simultaneously shuddering with pleasure and wracking with sobs as she presses her lips to the spot on Maggie’s temple that a bullet nearly obliterated mere hours before.

“I love you, Alex,” Maggie tells her for the first time as Alex smoothes her hair off the side of her face, because she almost died today, and life is too short, and we should be who we are and we should tell the girls we love that we love them.

Alex wracks with one more sob and Alex rolls off of her gingerly. Maggie sighs and shifts to her side, facing Alex and stroking her cheek, brushing her sweaty hair off her forehead.

“I love you too, Maggie,” she rasps, because the bullets missed her today, and I love you was her promise that they would always, always miss her; so that Alex would never have to.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked:
> 
> Prompt: Sanvers having sex with eachother for the first time. It's not fast and they're not ripping each other's clothes off. It's slow and intimate and they are discovering each other's bodies for the first time. Thanks!

She didn’t light candles and she didn’t put on music, because she didn’t want to pressure Alex. But she also didn’t drink any alcohol at dinner and neither, she noticed, did Alex.

Because they’d talked about taking it slow and they’d talked about making sure, but they hadn’t needed words for both of them to know that they wanted – needed, tonight – to move past the making out that left them breathless and the hand-under-sweater touches that left them gasping for that thing called air and grasping for that thing called sanity.

So when Maggie closes her apartment door behind them and Alex turns to look at her with wide eyes and slightly parted lips; when she can barely breathe because her heart is racing so hard the moment her eyes meet Alex’s; when Alex reaches out slowly, softly, to stroke her cheek, to pull her close with gentle fingertips on the inside of her wrist, Maggie knows: knows that she loves her and knows that my god, she needs to feel her, all of her, now. Tonight. Knows that Alex wants it – wants _her_ – too.

And when their lips touch, the knowledge flows between them like water, surges between them like power, and Alex’s breath shudders and Maggie steadies her with a hand on the small of her back.

“You good?” she needs to know, and Alex, wide eyes and already heaving chest, nods.

“I want you,” she whispers, and Maggie nods, and Maggie takes her hand, and Maggie leads her to her bedroom, because she’ll be damned if she lets their first time be in some awkward angle on the couch.

“We can stop whenever you want,” Maggie breathes, and Alex nods, and Alex’s fingers tremble as they reach for the hem of Maggie’s henley.

“Can I?” she asks, and Maggie can’t speak, because Maggie’s insides are shaking, so she nods, and she tries to remember what oxygen is and why it’s important to breathe it in like she’s breathing in everything that is _Alex_.

Alex gasps as Maggie raises her hands above her head, as she lets Alex drag her shirt over her head, and for the moment that Maggie loses sight of Alex’s face as her shirt obscures her vision, she almost panics, because what if she isn’t what Alex expected? What if she isn’t what Alex _wanted_ , what if –

But Alex is dropping to her knees and Alex is looking up at her with a look that can’t be described as anything other than _reverence_ and Alex is bringing trembling hands to her torso and kissing her navel, kissing every contour of her abs, kissing her way across her stomach, drawing a path up her ribs, asking with her eyes before bringing shaking fingers behind her back, fumbling a few times before unclasping her bra, letting it drop down Maggie’s shoulders, losing her breath as she presses kisses – tentative at first, moaning and more confident after Maggie gasps sharply – to Maggie’s bare chest.

Maggie buries her fingers in Alex’s short hair and Alex rests her forehead against Maggie’s abs for a moment, pausing, waiting, trembling, breathing. Maggie’s fingers find Alex’s chin and lift her face to hers, find her hands and pull her off her knees.

“All good, babe?”

Her heart twists because there are tears in Alex’s eyes, but there’s salvation on Alex’s lips because she just whispers, “You’re _beautiful_ , Maggie. Just… _so_ beautiful.”

“ _Alex_ ,” Maggie’s eyes drag up and down Alex’s still clothed form, and her eyes sting. “ _You_ , babe. You.”

Alex smiles nervously and Alex licks her lips.

“Take my shirt off?” she asks in a voice so small Maggie almost doesn’t hear her, with eyes so wide Maggie almost drowns in them.

“Yeah?” she confirms, and Alex answers with her hands, guiding Maggie’s fingers gently to the buttons of her shirt.

Maggie drops to her knees this time, trembling far more than she did the first night she took another woman’s shirt off, staring up at Alex as she slowly, deliberately, breathlessly undoes each button, bringing her lips methodically to each centimeter of newly exposed skin.

She worships Alex’s bruised, scarred torso, reveres it like a priceless painting, fingers and lips and tongue and breath caressing each mark, each ripple of muscle, each scar and each bruise and each stitch.

“You are _perfect_ , Alex Danvers,” she whispers into her skin, and she stands shakily as she watches Alex’s head toss back, as Alex’s fingers wrap around her shoulders for balance.

She pauses with her fingers hovering behind Alex’s midback and they freeze and Alex gulps and Alex grabs her, kissing her with a ferocity that makes Maggie gasp raggedly into her mouth, and the backs of Alex’s knees hit the bed and she lets herself tumble down, pulling Maggie on top of her.

Maggie freezes and rears up on her elbows, hair cascading down around Alex’s face. She licks her lips and she tries desperately to calm her racing heart.

“Still good?” she asks, and Alex sits up slightly. Maggie backs way off immediately, almost falling off the bed, but Alex laughs softly and Alex pulls her back. She raises her eyebrows at Maggie and looks down at her own chest, at her bra that’s still on, and Maggie licks her lips at the freckles standing out in the blush on Alex’s chest.

“Yeah?” Maggie confirms.

“Please,” Alex whispers.

Maggie complies, sliding her hands behind Alex and unclasping her bra in one motion that makes her grin and that makes Alex blush harder. Alex holds her arms close to her sides for a long, nervous moment before letting her bra slip down her shoulders, and Maggie waits, and Maggie swallows, and Maggie’s breath is ragged and wrecked and her eyes dart from Alex’s chest to her eyes and her hands fly to Alex’s face.

“Perfect,” she repeats. “You’re perfect.”

Alex inhales deeply and Alex blinks down tears and Alex pulls Maggie back down on top of her, and their naked chests, bare torsos, warm skin collide for the first time and they freeze with their lips together, freeze with Maggie’s hand behind Alex’s head and with Alex’s hands all over Maggie’s back, freeze because they need to breathe and freeze because they need to memorize every single detail of this feeling, this rush, this coming home.

“You need a break, Alex?” Maggie rasps against her lips, because god, she needs one too, and Alex nods. Maggie shifts off of her and Alex whines and Maggie slips back closer, next to her, so close their bodies are still touching, so close their breath still mingles in the negligible space between their lips.

“Is it always this intense?” Alex breathes, and Maggie smiles.

“Only with you, babe.”

“You… mean that?”

“ _Alex_ … _yes_. Yes, _of course_ I mean it.”

“Kiss me again?”

“God, yes.”

Their mouths open and their hands tremble and their hips grind and Maggie groans and nods eagerly when Alex asks permission with her eyes to slip her leg between Maggie’s thighs, and Maggie’s entire body trembles when Alex pulls her closer by her belt loop, when Alex moans into her mouth when Maggie traces her hand down Alex’s neck, her collarbone, her chest.

“I want you,” Alex tells her again, and Maggie makes a noise somewhere between a gasp and a scream and Alex’s nails scratch at her back and Maggie rolls back on top of her and Alex reaches her hand between their bodies, pausing when she reaches the button of Maggie’s jeans.

“Can I – can I?” Alex wants to know, and Maggie’s eyes roll to the back of her head and she bites her lip and she gasps and she fights for words.

“Yes, Alex, yeah – yeah.” She holds herself up on unsteady hands while Alex tugs at her button, tugs at her zipper, holds her eyes, catches her desperate nod, shifts so she can push Maggie’s jeans, Maggie’s boy shorts, down her hips, barely holding back a scream when Alex’s hands skim her bare ass for the first time. She shifts off her quickly, eagerly, tugging her clothes the rest of the way off, tossing them across the room, slipping back on top of Alex, holding her naked body up over hers questioningly, wide-eyed, nervously.

Alex’s eyes look like she’s been starved her entire life, that she’s being sustained for the first time, that she’s never seen art before; that she’s never seen beauty before; that she’s never seen perfection before; which Maggie doesn’t understand, because surely Alex has looked in the mirror, but god she can’t breathe because her body, her naked body, is the sole focus of Alex Danvers’s attention, and being stared at has never felt like this, has never felt this… moving.

“I’ve never…” Alex tries, and Alex fails, and Maggie wants to cry. “You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“You look at yourself every day, Alex.”

She watches Alex’s blush, Alex’s smile, like she’s never seen a sunrise before – because that’s exactly what this feels like – and she tries to breathe as Alex pulls her down, as Alex kisses her, as Alex’s hands explore every centimeter of her bare skin, as Alex’s fingers draw a map of Maggie’s perfection, as Alex whines and Alex gasps and Alex writhes underneath her.

“Al, do you… do you want me to… do you want – “

“Yeah,” Alex breathes, and Maggie shifts, and Alex doesn’t wait for Maggie; she undoes her own button, unzips her own zipper, starts pushing down her own jeans, her own underwear, until Maggie’s hands, Maggie’s eyes, still hers.

“May I?” she wants to know, and Alex wants to cry.

“Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Maggie.”

“I’ve got you, babe,” Maggie tells her as she slowly, slowly, slowly undresses the woman she’s fallen irreparably in love with, as Alex leans up on her elbows to watch Maggie’s slow progression down her body, kissing every newly revealed centimeter of skin, just like she did when she took off Alex’s shirt.

Alex giggles when she reaches low enough to kiss her ankle, her heel, and Maggie smiles, and Maggie makes a note. And Maggie looks back up the length of Alex’s naked body, and Maggie utterly forgets what breathing is.

“You’re perfect,” she tells Alex again as she kisses her way back up her scarred body, Alex reaching for her hair, her cheeks, her shoulders, her back, her hips, as Maggie crawls back up into her grasp, clothes abandoned, walls forgotten.

“Maggie,” Alex breathes, and Maggie stills. “Make love to me?”

Maggie’s throat runs dry and Maggie’s heart expands and Maggie’s eyes flood.

“Yeah, Alex. Yeah.”

She kisses her slow and she kisses her deep. She kisses her fully, and she kisses her complete. She kisses her like she’s never kissed anyone before, and Alex’s lips are open and her body is warm and her body is pliant and her legs are open and her eyes are full of tears.

“You good?” Maggie asks as she kisses her eyes, and she doesn’t know if she’s asking Alex or herself, but Alex answers for both of them.

“I’m great,” she breathes, and her hands are in Maggie’s hair and her hands are everywhere and her hands are home and her lips are sanctuary and her hips are grinding up into Maggie’s and Maggie shifts and Maggie slips a hand between their bodies and pauses, pauses, because her hand is shaking and her heart is shaking and the only thing real in the world is Alex’s body, Alex’s eyes and Alex’s want, because Alex wants her, Alex takes her eyes with her own and Alex nods and god is Alex wet for her and Maggie is groaning into Alex’s mouth and Alex is screaming into hers and Alex is writhing and grabbing at Maggie’s hips, Maggie’s ass, and hot tears sting both of their eyes because neither of them have ever had anything like this and when Alex cums it’s with Maggie’s lips against hers and with Maggie’s palm against her clit, Maggie’s fingers curved deep inside her, Maggie’s other hand behind her head, Maggie’s hair surrounding her face, and when Maggie cums it’s because she’s never felt anything as perfect as Alex’s body convulsing around her fingers, never heard anything as perfect as Alex Danvers screaming her name, never seen anything as perfect as the way Alex alternates between biting her lip and tossing her head back into Maggie’s hand and squeezing her eyes shut and grabbing at Maggie’s body with her hands, with her voice, with her heart.

“I’m in love with you, Alex,” Maggie tells her after she slips off of her, after they gather each other into their arms, as they cling to each other and they try to breathe and they try to remember what the ground feels like.

“That’s good,” Alex says with a soft smile, with a gentle kiss to Maggie’s wet eyes and open palms as she blinks through her own. “Because I fell in love with you ages ago.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie is kidnapped by Cadmus, but instead of torturing her for information about Supergirl, they do something much worse: they make her watch them hurt Alex.
> 
> Not based on a prompt, just based on my more difficult thoughts and conversations with @thesameenshaw. Heads up: this gets very bloody and torturey, but of course our girls will be just fine. Once again, I am not Jason Rothenberg.

She doesn’t know how she got here, but she remembers falling asleep last night with Alex’s legs wrapped around her body, with Alex’s breath tickling her neck, with Alex’s steady warmth seeping through her own skin.

Now, her skin is cold, and now, her skin is damp with her own blood, because now, she’s strapped to a freezing metal table, still in the boxers and Alex’s Stanford sweater that she fell asleep in last night.

Now, her eyes scan the high, concrete ceiling above her, and she swallows panic.

Now, she tests the limits of the cold hard straps digging into her wrists, her ankles, her forehead. Securing her, immobilizing her.

Now, she takes a shuddering breath and now, she realizes with a sickening swoop in her stomach that this must be Cadmus, because now, the ringing of stilettos on stone ground is echoing off the walls and off the trays of surgical equipment resting at the ready next to the table Maggie is strapped to, too close for comfort but not close enough for her to get at. Even if she could break through these damn straps before the sound of heels stops as a woman steps into her limited line of vision: a woman she recognizes as Lillian Luthor.

Maggie uses the length of the serenely smiling woman’s forearm as a gauge, as a measuring stick, to take stock of the dimensions of the room, running estimates in her head, how many feet high the ceiling is, how many paces across the room might be, where the dim light is coming from, and _dammit why do they always take you to a room with no windows? Can’t they slip up on that detail just once?_

“Finally awake, I see, Detective,” Lillian croons, and Maggie glares, refusing to flinch away from Lillian’s fingers as she reaches down to stroke Maggie’s cheek with her fingernails. “You seemed quite… shall we say… _affected_ by the strain of gas we used to ensure your cooperation in coming here this morning.”

“The hell do you want, Luthor?” Maggie’s voice shakes a lot less than the inside of her stomach is, and she takes grim satisfaction from it.

“Oh dear, you’re right, where are my manners?” She gestures behind her somehow both theatrically and primly, sweeping the room with her hands. “Welcome to Cadmus, Detective Maggie Sawyer.”

“I didn’t ask where I was. I asked why I’m here.”

“Because my attempts to reign in Supergirl have failed so far, you see. And you’re going to tell me how to succeed.”

Maggie blinks and Maggie tugs at her restraints.

“How the hell should I know?”

“Oh, because you _know_ her, dear, don’t you?”

Maggie says nothing as Lillian flashes photos of Maggie by Supergirl’s side in the field, of the cockeyed grin Supergirl is giving her as she fills out some paperwork; of the way Maggie rolls her eyes affectionately as Supergirl takes off in an absurdly giddy, absurdly showy way.

Maggie says nothing because her throat is closing up, and she says nothing because Lillian’s eyes are studying hers and she wants them to find absolutely nothing.

“I’m NCPD. NCPD works with Supergirl.”

“But this doesn’t look like a casual, detached, _professional_ relationship to you, does it, Detective Sawyer? And that _is_ your job, isn’t it? Piecing together people’s motives, studying them and discovering what hides underneath?”

Lillian drops the photos on Maggie’s stomach, and Maggie hisses in discomfort, in a jolt of added fear, in a well-concealed but rapidly growing panic.

The director of Cadmus chuckles softly and strides across to the tray of surgical instruments next to the table, and Maggie swallows vomit and swivels her eyes to follow Lillian’s hands, carefully and considerately selecting a gleaming scalpel and bringing it closer for examination. Maggie slams against her restraints again, and Lillian tuts.

“Now now, dear, that won’t do. But we _will_ get you to talk about Supergirl. Or, should I say, _Kara Danvers_?”

Maggie wishes for heat vision and Maggie wishes for super strength, because she’s been angry before, she’s been furious before, but she’s never wanted to _attack_ someone like this.

“I’m not giving her up,” she tells her, even as Lillian steps closer to the table, even as Lillian is eyeing her like a piece of meat to carve before family dinner. Like she’s already been murdered and won’t feel the pain of the cuts. But she will, she will. She will.

Lillian tuts again. “Oh. Well, that _is_ sweet, dear, but I _am_ curious – we _are_ a research facility, after all, and I understand you’re a scientist yourself, won all the regional Intel competitions in Blue Springs, and even placed second and, was it third, in your junior year, at the state competition in high school, so I’m sure you’ll share my scientist’s curiosity – are you refusing to give up Supergirl for the sake of her alien self? Or for the sake of her very human _sister_?”

What’s left of Maggie’s stomach plummets as she sets her jaw and glares up into the eyes of the woman holding a scalpel dangerously close to her chest.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Bless,” Lillian coos. “Well, if you truly don’t know her, then surely it won’t bother you if she takes your place?”

Lillian bends quickly and releases the bottom legs of the cold, metal table Maggie’s strapped to, so that she clangs down into a near standing position, her head pounding terribly from the slamming, from the ringing, from the pure and utter terror growing in her core.

Because now, she has a perfect view of the half-sedated woman Lillian’s men are dragging none-too-gently into the room.

Her throat nearly bleeds when she yells. “ _Alex_!”

“Oh, so you _do_ know her. I thought as much. Good. Now the real experiment can begin.”

“What the hell are you – let her go, _let her go_ , I’ll take her place, I’ll – ”

“Maggie?”

Alex’s voice sounds like she hasn’t used it in months, and for a moment, a small smile tugs at her bloody lips. Because for a moment, she thinks she’s still in bed with the woman she loves, still wrapped up in everything safe and warm and perfect; thinks that the warmth coursing through her veins is love and hope and security, not drugs.

For a moment.

And then the cold of the hard, concrete ground sink into her consciousness. The grating pain of her arms twisted behind her back and chained together. The searing pain in the voice of the woman pleading for her life.

Alex’s eyes open fully, and in an instant her adrenaline kicks in; in an instant, years of training overpowers the drugs that are slowly leaving her system; in an instant, she takes in how many Cadmus lackeys had brought her in, are front of her, beside her, behind her, how many pipes are running into the ceiling above her, how many scalpels, knives, and scissors are on the trays in front of her, in front of Maggie; in an instant, she takes in the sight of Lillian Luthor, smiling calm as a summer’s day, standing over Maggie Sawyer – forehead, wrists, and ankles all strapped to the vertically-positioned metal biobed – with a gleaming surgical scalpel in her hand and calm, detached passion in her eyes.

“Agent Danvers. Good to see you’re waking up. So sorry to take you out of bed; I know how much you must cherish your down time with Detective Sawyer here. There’s precious little of that in our line of work, wouldn’t you agree?”

Her heels echo on the stone ground as she saunters toward Alex, who has eyes only for Maggie, quiet now that Alex is awake except for shuddering breaths. She fights to rise to her knees, relief coursing through her that Lillian is walking away from Maggie and toward her.

It’s because of that thin blanket of security that Alex responds to Lillian’s question the only way she ever responds when she’s in chains.

“Go to hell.”

Lillian stops walking. She nods at one of the men who dragged Alex in, and Maggie shouts, Maggie begs, because she knows that nod.

Alex knows that nod, too, but Alex doesn’t flinch. She just glares up at Lillian from her knees. She glares up at her, that is, until she sees stars, and not the kind she was seeing last night -- just last night? how rapidly the entire world changes -- because the butt of a Cadmus semi-auto slams into her jaw and, with her arms chained roughly behind her back, she has nothing to land on but an already cut shoulder and the cold, hard concrete.

“ _Alex_ ,” she hears, and it’s a sob, and she raises her eyes to met Maggie’s, and she shakes her head, slightly, slightly, her heart screaming even worse than her bleeding, broken face.

She drags her gaze away from Maggie, drags her gaze away from Maggie’s wide eyes and futilely slamming heels and hands and head, away from the only woman who’s going to get her out of this alive – because she _will_ be in her arms again, dammit – and the woman who’s going to be the reason she never leaves this room – because she will die in an instant if it means they’ll let her go, they’ll let her be safe.

Even if Maggie would never forgive her.

Alex fixes her hazy eyes up on Lillian Luthor, instead, and when they connect, Alex spits blood and what feels like it was probably a molar and seething hatred right onto her shoes.

Lillian doesn’t flinch. Instead, her smile deepens as she glances down at her spoiled stiletto, at the spot where Alex’s blood is seeping down her foot and into her tights, down her shoe and onto the ground.

“Charming,” she says, and she walks away briskly, nodding again as she does so. Her soldier kicks Alex in the rib cage, and she refuses to shout, refuses to yell, as she feels something bruise, as she feels something burst, as she feels the desperate need to draw Lillian’s attention back to her, just her, to focus on hurting _her_ , because Maggie, _god_ , Maggie, _no_.

“What is it you want, Luthor? To coerce another scientist into working for you? That never ends well for the captors in the movies, you know, and it’s not gonna work for you. Unless – ”

Lillian turns and Alex senses hope and Maggie tries to shake her head, tries to tell her _don’t you dare_ , tries to tell you _I know I haven't said it yet, but I love you, godammit, let me take this for you_ , but Alex is distinctly ignoring her.

“Unless?” Lillian prompts, still holding the scalpel between dainty fingers.

“Let her go. Let her go, and we can talk terms.”

Lillian actually laughs at that, a full laugh that echoes off the walls and cuts into Alex’s bleeding mouth.

“Oh no, dear, you misunderstand. Your father is more than enough of a coerced scientist for us – ”

Alex growls and tries to stand again, but she takes a kick to the back of the knees and crumples.

“Ally.” Maggie’s voice is choked and her face is stained with tears, but Alex refuses to look at her. Alex only has eyes for the woman she swears she’ll kill at first opportunity.

“No, Agent Danvers, we don’t need you to work for us. Because, you see, you already are. You would never give up your sister, of course, and Detective Sawyer is apparently made of tougher stuff than most local law enforcement I’ve disposed of in the past.”

Maggie slams against her restraints, because this woman is hurting Alex, because this woman slaughtered her friends in the bar, because this woman is going to be dead by day’s end if Maggie has anything to do with it.

“What’s your point, Luthor?” Alex spits, struggling to get back onto her knees, slipping off balance a few times in a rapidly growing pool of her own blood.

“My point, dear, as I was explaining to Detective Sawyer here, is that Cadmus is about testing boundaries, about pushing limits. About experiments, you see, and this one has several testable outcomes. How much pain will a human endure to protect an alien? To protect another human?”

“Pain doesn’t scare me,” Alex snarls, because Alex probably has a concussion and Alex is losing a lot of blood and Alex is highly trained but she doesn’t quite understand what Lillian is getting at.

Maggie does, and Maggie rattles against her restraints again. Desperately. She pays no mind to the fact that blood is starting to stream out of her chafed skin. She only has mind enough for Alex.

“Oh, I know that, dear. I’m not talking about _your_ pain.”

“Don’t you dare touch her.” Alex rams an elbow into the crotch of one of the soldiers standing over her, bowls over another with the sheer force of her toppling bodyweight, flips so the chains around her ankles pull against his neck.

Lillian laughs calmly as a third soldier draws a gun clean against Alex’s head, laughs calmly as Maggie fills the entire room with her screams, with her struggles against the restraints, her right hand starting to come loose, her right wrist sending blood dripping onto the floor below her.

Alex freezes and growls and lets the man slip out of her grasp, but not before tugging an almighty bruise onto his throat.

“I have no intention of touching Detective Sawyer, Agent Danvers, if you could just control that temper of yours long enough to listen. Pain doesn’t have to be physical, you know, dear.”

She nods as Alex’s eyes widen, as Alex shakes her head, as the soldier whose crotch Alex slammed into cocks his gun and in a single, unstoppable moment, shoots Alex in the thigh.

She doesn’t scream, but Maggie does; her throat doesn’t tear with pain, but Maggie’s does; Alex doesn’t curse at Lillian and swear she’ll kill her, but Maggie does.

“Let me take her place, please, _please_ , just _stop_ , please, just let me take her place, _please_.”

Lillian turns to regard Maggie like she’s her star student who just answered a particularly difficult question perfectly.

“You see, Agent Danvers?” She squats down next to Alex, who’s seeing double, who’s fighting somehow to keep a straight face, to keep a calm face, to keep her face clean of the pure agony she’s in, because _Maggie, Maggie, Maggie_ , and Lillian runs the scalpel lightly over Alex’s tensed tricep, drawing a thin line of blood, a thin line of blood that becomes two, that becomes three, that becomes four; four lines that connect at their points; four lines that, together, form the letter “M.”

Alex grits her teeth and Alex hisses and Alex tries not to yell out but _god_ she wants to because god she’s never known _pain_ until this day, this moment, this place.

“Please, _stop_ it, let me take her place, please, I’ll tell you anything, I’ll _do_ anything, just _please_ , let her go, let me take her place, please, just _let her go_ ,” Maggie is pleading, panting, sobbing, and Lillian stops her scalpel abruptly.

Alex lets her eyes squeeze shut, forces sound out of her throat. “Don’t you dare listen to her. I’m who you want, Lillian. She’s just a local cop, she doesn’t know what I do, she doesn’t – ”

Another kick to her ribcage knocks the wind out of her, and Lillian gives a different nod to two of her men, who cross the room to Maggie’s table, and it’s Alex’s turn to scream.

“Don’t you dare hurt her, Luthor. I swear on everything I have ever known, if you lay a finger on her, I – ”

“Alex, will you shut up and let someone protect you for once in your life?” Maggie spits as the soldiers undo her straps in a single, rough motion, and she collapses onto the ground, twisting her ankle and skinning her knees and her hands, but not caring because _Alex, Alex, Alex_ , so she’s up and she doesn’t care if they shoot her on the way, because Alex is bleeding and Alex is in pain and for some reason that she doesn’t care about right now, the blows never come and Alex is in her arms and she’s tearing at the bottom of her tank top and she’s stemming the flow of blood out of Alex’s thigh and her hands are soaked in her girlfriend’s warm blood and she’s kissing her face and she’s promising her that everything’s going to be alright and she’s slipping something metal into Alex’s chained hands and she’s flying backwards suddenly and landing on her back a few feet away, and Alex’s yells are filling her ears but they’re focused on her, now, not Alex, so it’s fine, it’s fine, it’ll be fine.

“My working hypothesis at the moment is that pain is most effective after temporary relief.” Lillian stands over Maggie as two of her soldiers fix the barrels of their guns on either of Maggie’s temples. “So you had your moment of relief with your beloved, and now, my dear, _now_ , if you’d like to spare Agent Danvers the pain you just experienced watching her suffer – if you’d like her to get medical treatment for those dreadful wounds – you’re going to tell me what I need to know about Supergirl, about the DEO. And you’re going to do it soon, because the next bullet will go somewhere much less recoverable than one of your girlfriend's thighs.”

“You really don’t get it, do you?”

Maggie’s voice is shaking, and her lip is bleeding from biting it so hard, and her hands are soaked in Alex’s blood. Her head, her entire body, aches from thrashing around, her wrists and ankles and forehead oozing blood from where she’d strained at her straps.

“You’re doing this because you think it’s going to break me into telling you what you wanna know. Because you think I love her.”

She looks past the barrels of the guns and she looks past Lillian Luthor’s keen gaze, and she locks her eyes in Alex’s terrified ones.

Maggie swallows. Tears streak tracks through the blood on her face, even without her blinking.

“And that’s where you’re right. I _do_ love her.”

Alex sobs and Alex tries to crawl forward. “ _Maggie_ ,” her voice breaks.

Lillian ignores her, staring down at Maggie like she hasn’t seen a proper meal in days and Maggie is the main course.

“I’m glad you’re coming to your senses, dear.”

“No, see, here’s the thing. You’re right that I love her, but you’re wrong about how much. See, I love her so much that I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Alex Danvers is braver than you. That Alex Danvers is a more incredible woman than anything you possibly could have accounted for in your stupid experiment parameters. And _because_ I love her – because I love her more than I have ever loved anyone – I _know_ her. And I _know_ , because she’s _braver_ than you, because she’s more _incredible_ than you knew how to account for, that she would rather endure anything you can do to her than have me give up her sister to make you stop. And that? That’s the worst thing in the world for me, far worse than these guns. So congratulations. You’ve manufactured my perfect hell. But I won’t abandon her. Because I _love_ her. I love her.”

She looks straight into Alex’s streaming eyes, and she holds them with her own.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

And then she nods, and then all hell breaks loose.

Because the piece of metal she’d slipped into Alex’s hand was a key that she’d grabbed off one of the soldiers as she fell from her own restraints, and the nod was a signal that both of them understood: that they would die for each other, that they might do so in the next thirty seconds, but god they would never have any regrets because _I love you I love you I love you_.

Maggie dives to the ground so that when the soldiers shoot, they miss; when they shoot, they shoot each other in the legs, and Maggie scrambles up, and Maggie kicks them both unconscious, eyes blazing, eyes on Alex, who’s grabbed the gun of the soldier nearest her and poured a round of bullets into him and into his comrade and into Lillian Luthor, whose fingers fumble through slick pools of blood for the fallen soldier’s cell phone, mechanically dialing for J’onn, mechanically breathing, mechanically repeating we’re alive, _we’re alive, we’re alive_ , because no other thoughts matter, not yet.

Alex barely remembers getting J’onn on the phone and she barely remembers the body bags and the medical evac and she barely remembers Kara’s enraged yell and Kara’s terrified gasp and she barely remembers the words of comfort she’d tried to choke out before J’onn told her not to talk, before J’onn told her it would be okay, everyone was safe, everything would be alright.

She only remembers Maggie’s hands on her body, Maggie reporting on every blow they’d given her so the med team could evaluate priorities on treating Alex’s broken body. She only remembers Kara breaking in Maggie’s arms, only remembers Maggie refusing to leave her side as she goes under for surgery, refusing to get treated herself until Alex is out of the woods, until Alex’s blood loss is no longer life threatening, until Alex is alright, alright, alright.

“Bet you scared the shit out of the entire DEO med team,” Alex rasps when she’s conscious again, and she’s greeted by the healing sound of J’onn, Winn, and James laughing in relief, of Kara biting down an ecstatic sob.

Maggie makes no sound. Maggie does not smile. Maggie just stares at Alex’s face, just strokes Alex’s cheek, just watches Alex like she’ll disappear the moment Maggie blinks.

“You’re safe,” she croaks out eventually, and Alex’s heart breaks and James squeezes Maggie’s shoulder and Winn squeezes Kara’s hand and J’onn squeezes his own sides to keep himself from shattering at the seams.

“Yeah,” Alex confirms, knowing that Maggie isn’t comforting _her_. “Yeah, babe, I’m safe. Thanks to you. You got us outta there, you got us safe.”

“You killed those men. Lillian Luthor. They hurt you. _I_ wanted to kill them.”

Kara chokes on a sob and James keeps his hand on Maggie’s shoulder and Alex fumbles a groggy hand up to try to wipe the tear streaks off Maggie’s face.

“I’m safe, Maggie. I’m okay. Just a bit of rest, I’ll be just fine. Thanks to you. Because of _you_ , babe.”

“They made me watch them hurt you.”

Alex wishes she hadn’t killed Lillian Luthor so she could kill her again. Slower.

“I’m okay now, babe. I’m okay, and I _love_ you, Maggie Sawyer. I love you, and I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m not going away from you. I love you too much for that.”

“And she’s too damn stubborn, anyway,” Winn chokes out, and Alex grins and the corner of Maggie’s lips tilt slightly.

“Yeah, someone’s gotta steal Winn’s lunch every day,” James chimes in softly as he keeps Alex’s hand pressed to Maggie’s cheek, because Alex doesn’t have the strength to hold it that steady that long, but one of Maggie’s hands is on Alex’s face and the other is just above the bandage on her thigh, and both of them are leaning into his help.

Maggie coughs out a watery chuckle and she turns her face to kiss Alex’s palm. “You steal Winn’s lunches, babe?”

“Someone needs to keep him in line.”

“I’m standing _right here_!”

“Maggie. I love you too. I love you too.”

Alex’s voice is full of gravel and Maggie’s chest heaves with a tidal wave of impending sobs.

“Alex, I’m so sorry I couldn’t – ”

“Detective Sawyer – Maggie – you saved Alex’s life. You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing at all. None of what happened was your fault. _None_ of it.”

“What J’onn said,” Alex wheezes as Maggie leans back into James’s torso and tries, tries, tries, to breathe.

“You’re okay,” Maggie says again, her fingers tracing the stitches on Alex’s face, the swelling.

“I’m okay,” Alex confirms, a small smile growing on her face as she sees her love and her relief and her need mirrored in Maggie’s eyes. “And I’m under the distinct impression that ya _like_ me. That’s… that’s what I’m getting from this whole thing.”

Maggie fully laughs this time, fully smiles, and Alex doesn’t care that her own face hurts when she beams in response, because she could never watch Maggie go into full-on dimple mode without smiling herself.

“Of course, you’re not gonna go crazy on me, are you?”

“Probably.”

Alex leans up and Maggie stands and leans down and they smile into each other’s gentle kiss and breathe into each other’s soft, watery, _safe_ laughter, each other’s protection, each other’s love.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked:
> 
> Sanvers in the shower?
> 
> THIS IS SUCH A POPULAR REQUEST OMG YOU GUYS.

There’s a soft knock on the door and Alex blinks and spits water out of her mouth and runs her hands through her sopping hair.

“Yeah?” she calls through the steam in the room, through the rush of her rain shower, through the pattering of quick, hot droplets running down her body.

“Alex! Babe, you almost done? I don’t wanna rush you, but I’m gonna be late – “

“Something happen?” Alex panics, jamming at the waterproof connection to her cell she has stuck on the back wall but finding no updates on rogue aliens or impending nuclear disasters.

“Nope, just gotta – “

Alex doesn’t hear the rest because the conditioner in her hair is starting to run down her face, so she steps back into the shower stream and relishes the heat, the strong lavender scent, the rush of suds down her back.

“Mags, I can’t hear you, just come in.”

There’s a silence and there’s a hesitation, and then the door is opening and Alex grins at Maggie’s almost shy form, slightly distorted by Alex’s glass shower door. Weaving her fingers through her hair one last time, now suds-free, Alex steps forward and slides the shower door open wide enough to poke her head out of.

“What’re you running late for?”

“I – it – I – lab results coming in – it – I – “

Alex licks her lips and Alex rakes her eyes down Maggie’s body. “Detective Sawyer, are you _spluttering_?”

“I – “

Alex tugs the shower door open a little wider, giving Maggie more to see than just her face.

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before, babe,” she teases, her voice rich and her voice still in shock that she could make a woman who looks like Maggie take a second glance at her, let alone _splutter_.

“I… _wet_ ,” is all Maggie can choke out, and Alex pushes the shower door open all the way now, a wicked grin spreading over her face as Maggie chokes out more completely unintelligible noises and grabs onto the sink for support for her completely weakened knees.

“ _Are_ you now?” Alex flirts, knowing full well that Maggie was talking about her, soaking wet from the shower, but deciding she’d like both to be true.

“I – “

“Wanna join me, babe?”

Maggie gulps and Maggie tries not to hyperventilate and Maggie’s eyes trace the pattern of water streaming down Alex’s hair, throat, chest, abs, thighs.

“Oh yes,” she rasps, and the basketball shorts and tank top she slept in are off before Alex can blink, are pooled around her ankles before Alex can gulp.

Alex steps back to let Maggie step in, and their eyes don’t leave each other’s as Alex slides the door closed, as Maggie’s moment of temporary bravado evaporates with the steam they’re breathing in.

Maggie lips her lips and gulps, and Alex reaches slow hands out to her waist.

“Nnhnn,” Maggie says, and Alex pulls back immediately.

“Water’s too hot,” Maggie explains in barely more than a whisper, and Alex reaches behind her to adjust it without taking her eyes off Maggie.

“Better?” Alex asks after a moment, and Maggie puts her hand forward, grazing Alex’s side on the way, and they both hiss at the contact.

“Yeah. Yeah.” Maggie steps forward and puts Alex’s hands on her waist and they rotate so Maggie can slip past Alex, so she can stand under the stream of water, so Alex can gasp and lick her lips and shake her head, watching the way Maggie’s eyes roll shut in relief at the stream of warmth that glides through her hair, down her shoulders, her chest, the way her head automatically tilts back into the stream, the way her hands automatically run through her hair.

The way the stream of water makes her seem to forget, for a moment, all her strain and all her stress and all her pain and all her grief.

“You’re gorgeous, Maggie,” Alex rasps, reaching down to grab her bottle of body wash. She tilts it toward Maggie with raised eyebrows, and Maggie gulps, and Maggie nods, and Alex smiles.

She fills her hands with suds and she fills her lungs with air and she fills her eyes with Maggie and she runs her hands, tentative hands, at first, bolder with Maggie’s soft gasps, more confident with Maggie’s growing whines, over Maggie’s every curve, every crevice, every spot rough with her neglect of consistent lotioning, every spot scraped with alien weapons and human fists, every spot tightened by training and every spot soft with perfectly smooth skin.

When she tells Maggie to tilt her head back, when Maggie asks if she’s sure, because she doesn’t have to, and Alex tells her _of course_ she wants to, Maggie turns, and Maggie lets Alex shampoo her hair, and she steps back, one foot anchored between Alex’s, so she’s grinding slightly back into Alex, and Alex moans and Maggie grins softly and Alex refuses to let her get suds in her eyes, so she guides her back around, guides her so she can run her fingers through perfect hair, run her fingers through perfect hair that will smell like Alex all day, run her fingers through perfect hair that _god_ somehow looks even better dripping wet than it does dry.

“Al,” Maggie rasps when she can’t take it anymore, can’t take feeling Alex’s naked body behind hers, Alex’s fingers touching her, washing her, Alex’s fingers running everywhere on her body, Alex’s fingers doing things to her – _taking care of her_ – in a way she’s never had before, in a way she’s never believed anyone would ever do for her, in a way she’s never believed anyone would want to do for her.

Alex hears every word Maggie isn’t speaking in the one syllable of her name, every emotion and every passion and every need, because god, god, god, she needs the same.

“Do you really have to condition your hair, too?” Alex rasps as Maggie turns to face her, as Maggie turns to touch her.

“I do,” Maggie’s dimples come out, but she bites her lip and she watches water stream down Alex’s body, and she takes a shuddering breath. “But I need something else, first.”

The only other words are each other’s names, various gods, and various words they would never use in company. The only other sounds are screaming and gasping and the occasional slipping, the occasional bracing of one body against the other, of hands against walls and heels against tub edges.

“Alex, _please_ ,” Maggie whines, and Alex smells her body wash and tastes pure water and pure Maggie as she licks a path from her nipple to her collarbone and back down, one hand braced against the wall, the other holding Maggie secure at the small of her back.

“Please what, gorgeous?” Alex wants to know, and Maggie spits off to the side as her gasp had her inhaling far too much water. Alex shifts them both so Maggie isn’t directly under the shower, and Maggie stares up at her with desperate eyes and swollen lips.

“Please fuck me,” Maggie asks in a small voice, and Alex groans, and Alex _complies_.

Maggie issues a stream of curses, of yesses, of fuck yesses and Alex please fuck god yes Alex Al Ally fuck don’t stops as Alex turns her around carefully, helps her prop one of her legs up on the side of the tub, helps her brace her hands on the wall in front of her, helps her brace her body back against Alex’s so together, they’re stable; so together, they won’t slip.

“Trust me?” Alex asks.

“Of course,” Maggie breathes.

“You still want this? Because if you don’t, it’s oka –”

“Alex, shut up and fuck me, please.”

Alex growls and Alex wraps one arm around Maggie’s body, hand coming to stop on her chest, slides her other hand down Maggie’s hip, her ass, down to her thighs, down to the only place Maggie needs her, the place Maggie is begging her to touch, the place Maggie is grinding her hips for, and Alex groans at how wet Maggie is, and not just with shower water, and they both gasp, both moan, both go weak in the knees and lean into each other for stability with relief when Alex slips her fingers inside, when she brings her other hand down to work on Maggie’s clit, when Maggie’s screams echoes off the bathroom walls and the shower steams with a heat that’s not coming from the water temperature and Maggie’s body convulses around Alex’s fingers and Alex rests her forehead on Maggie’s arched back as she rides out her orgasm, as she rides out her high, as she rides out her trust, her raw need, her lust, her love.

“Weren’t you late for something?” Alex pants as they both recover, as she holds Maggie from behind and they let water stream in a steady thrumming down their shaking bodies.

Maggie chuckles and Maggie brings Alex’s hand to her lips and kisses each knuckle.

“You’ve got a point, Danvers. Out.”

It’s Alex’s turn to splutter.

“What?”

“This hair doesn’t condition itself, Danvers.”

“I could help you – ”

“Don’t get me wrong, babe, your help was uh…” Her eyes soften and her dimples deepen. “ _Incredible_ , but right now I’m just the kinda late that’ll get me mocked by all the guys. Any more of your help and I’ll be the kinda late that makes me unemployed.”

“You could always come work at the DEO – “

“ _Out_!”

Alex pretends to huff and Alex leans in for the kiss Maggie’s asking for and Alex grabs a towel and doesn’t miss the way Maggie’s eyes are glued to her body and smiles all the more for it.

“Hey Alex,” Maggie calls as she’s running conditioner through her hair, as Alex is slipping out of the bathroom.

“Yeah love?”

“I’ll be out in the field today. Probably need another shower tonight.”

“Excellent.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By popular request, a follow-up to Chapter 16.
> 
> Heads up for references to the torture of said chapter.
> 
> anonymous asked:
> 
> I NEED to know how Maggie deals with that 'M' that Luthor carved into Alex's arm. Or is it not gonna leave a scar?

Kara is the first one, other than the medics, to see it.

It’s her first time alone with Alex – the first time that James was able to drag Maggie out of the room, the first time Alex was strong enough to encourage her to go eat, to go shower, to go get her own wounds tended to – and she’s changing Alex’s bandages when the one on her tricep makes her gasp.

She shivers and she quakes and she wishes Alex hadn’t killed Lillian Luthor because she swears she would if she could, and she swallows vomit and she caresses the swollen, reddened flesh around Alex’s tricep with gentle, trembling fingertips and tears choking her throat.

“ _Alex_ ,” she shudders, and Alex takes a long, slow sigh, laboriously because breathing still hurts.

“It’s far from the worst thing she did to me, Kara,” she tells her, but her heart isn’t in it. Her heart is shattered and the pieces are in her throat, because how in the hell is she going to show Maggie that Lillian Luthor had carved the first letter of her name into Alex’s arm?

She can’t. She won’t.

“Does Maggie know?” Kara half sobs, and Alex shakes her head painstakingly.

“And she’s not gonna find out, either.”

“Alex – “

“ _Kara_.”

Kara doesn’t argue, for now, because Alex is still so pale with blood loss and her voice is still so ragged from exhaustion and her eyes are still so deadened from the ghosts of Maggie’s screams, her own body feeling like it was exploding, Maggie’s agony, and her complete inability to do anything about it, her complete failure to protect Maggie from watching her get tortured. Her complete failure to protect Maggie from being tortured.

Kara bends and Kara kisses her sister and Kara squeezes her hand and Kara leaves before she can completely break, because Alex doesn’t need to see that.

Winn shifts in next, fulfilling the promise Maggie had forced them all to make that Alex wouldn’t even be alone for a single second, unless she specifically requested it, while Maggie was gone.

“Kara okay?” Alex croaks, and Winn sits gingerly on the side of her bed, his hand taking hers gently after he asks with his raised eyebrows if he can.

“Alex, yesterday the medics took a bullet out of your thigh and set your cracked ribs and that’s to say nothing about your face. And you wanna know if _Kara’s_ okay?”

“Winn, it… watching someone you love be hurt, it’s… it’s worse than being the one getting shot.”

Winn sighs and Winn runs his hand through his hair before stroking Alex’s face gently, gently, gently.

“I know. I know. And I know you’re worried about Kara and I know you’re worried about Maggie, but Alex, you’ve gotta focus on healing you right now. We’ve got Kara, we’ve got Maggie. And they’ve both got you. But the best way you can help them, is by resting, by letting your body heal. Okay?”

Alex sighs and Alex’s closes her eyes and Alex looks away.

“And you have to tell her.”

Alex’s eyes snap back open. “What.”

Winn takes a deep breath and he leans over so he can see the underside of her arm, where the “M” is carved just over the slight bulge of her tricep.

“That’s gonna scar, Alex, she’s gonna know. And if you keep it from her? She’ll find out when she’s not prepared, when she’s started to heal, and it’ll just bust all the wounds open again.”

“How did you even _know_?”

“Kara mentioned in her… sobbery.”

Alex breathes out a laugh and rolls her eyes and blinks out two tears.

“How the hell am I supposed to tell her, Winn? That someone started carving her name into my skin, to torture me, to torture _her_?”

Winn bites his lip and swallows and gives Alex a small, hopeless smile. “You can tell her it’s an upsidedown W. For Winn. It _could_ have nothing to do with her.”

Alex laughs full on this time, and the laugh becomes a sob and the sob becomes a cough and the cough becomes a pained hiss because _god_ everything hurts.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Winn chokes, and Alex shakes her head.

“It’s fine, I’m fine.”

There’s a soft rapping on the door and Winn turns and what’s left of Alex’s heart backflips.

“Hey babe.” Maggie’s voice is small and her hair is damp and her clothes are DEO issue: she must have flat-out refused to leave the DEO, and her stubbornness makes Alex feel loved, and it makes Alex feel warm, and it makes Alex feel nauseous and guilty because _god_ this woman would be fine if she’d never met her, if Alex had never been so obvious about _liking_ her, Cadmus never would have touched her…

“Hey. You’ve discovered the wonders of DEO showers.”

Maggie smiles softly and steps forward hesitantly, like if she comes too close too quickly, she’ll hurt Alex again, she’ll make Alex’s body break again.

“And the wonders of DEO uniforms, I see. It suits you, Maggie. But Agent Danvers, don’t jump her bones just yet, you’ve still got some healing to do, okay?” Winn teases as he stands, as he passes Alex’s hand to Maggie, as he touches Maggie’s shoulder and just barely resists kissing her on the forehead because he’s not sure yet if that would get him slapped or hugged and he doesn’t want to risk doing anything Maggie wouldn’t want, especially not right now.

So he shuffles to the door and he turns before he leaves and he touches his own tricep and he moves “tell her” to Alex before slipping off to find Kara and the others.

They’re both silent for a long moment, both staring at each other, both of their lips slightly parted, both of their hearts racing slightly too quickly.

“How’s your pain?” Maggie asks, and Alex lifts an unsteady hand to rest on Maggie’s thigh as she takes Winn’s place on the bed.

“They have meds for mine, Maggie. They don’t have meds for yours.”

Maggie scoffs slightly. “Sure they do. J’onn tried hopping me up on anti-anxieties and all manner of things.”

“And you didn’t take them?”

“They make me foggy. I want to be all here right now.”

“Maggie – “

“ _Alex_. All I care about – the _only_ thing – is that you’re okay.”

“But you had to watch – “

“I don’t need you to remind me what I had to watch. I just… you’re okay. As long as you’re okay – “

“I am.”

“Then I’m gonna be fine. _We’re_ gonna be fine. You hear me?”

Alex nods and Alex sighs and Alex squeezes Maggie’s thigh.

“Babe. You need to know something. Do you… do you remember when Luthor had that scalpel to my arm?”

Maggie’s eyes blaze. “I remember everything.” Her voice is dead and Alex breaks but Alex is used to pressing on when she breaks, so she does, because Maggie is broken, too, and at least, at least, they’re together.

“She um… she wrote something, Maggie. Or started to, she – “

But Maggie is up and Maggie is kneeling next to her bed and Maggie is gently, gently, tenderly, furiously, rolling back the bandages Kara had redone, and Maggie is clenching her fists and Maggie is swallowing vomit and Alex is reaching a shaky hand out to stroke her tear-splattered cheek and Maggie is pulling away, away, away, slamming her fist into the nearest wall, slamming her fists into her own thighs, grabbing at the unforgiving material of her DEO-issue pants with fingernails that want to do nothing but bleed.

“It’s my _fault_ she did this to you, it’s my… it’s my…”

“Maggie, it’s not, it’s _not_ , babe, I – “

“Ally, _Ally_ , your skin was _perfect_ , she… she cut it through one of your _freckles_ , she… Ally, I’m… I’m sorry, I should’ve been faster, I should’ve – “

“Maggie, stop it, _Maggie_. Maggie, _please_ , Maggie. Look at me, dammit.”

Maggie does, finally, wrenching her eyes up from her crumbled position on the floor, steadying her shaking hands by pressing them under her arms, by rocking back and forth on her heels, by holding her breath long enough to calm, calm, calm, because this is about _Alex, Alex, Alex_.

“No, I’m sorry, you shouldn’t be comforting me, it – “

“Maggie, no, that’s not my point. Look at me. Please.” Her voice is gentler this time, less scared, this time, because Maggie is still, now, Maggie’s knuckles are safe, now.

“You know how I have Kara’s name tattooed on my ankle?”

Maggie shudders out a breath and a nod, leaning back up to examine the cut, the cut that will scar, the cut that will scar her first initial into the arm of the woman she loves. She presses soft, soft, soft kisses to the reddened area around the mark, Alex’s muscles relaxing now, Alex’s trembling hand reaching out to hold Maggie’s, now.

“I can’t think of another person whose name I’d want on my body, Mags. Just Kara. And you. _You_ , because I love you like I’ve never loved anyone. And I… this scar will be… hard. Definitely the hardest one I have, and I have a lot. Hard for both of us. But Maggie, I can’t… I can’t have you thinking it’s your fault every time you see my naked, every time you see me sleeveless. Maggie, we… we survived something _impossible_ together. She brought us there because she knew we loved each other, but you said it, babe: she didn’t understand how much. She didn’t understand that we love each other too much to do anything but get outta there alive. _Together_. And we did. And it was _impossible_. But we _did_. Because you and me, Mags? We do impossible things. And… this damn scar? It’s just proof of that. Just proof of how much I love you. And I would go through that again, and again, and again, if somehow it meant keeping you safe, keeping you from pain. I love you, Maggie. We’re gonna get through this. Scar or no scar, okay?”

Maggie wipes her tears with the back of her hand and she nods into the slowly decreasing space between their lips, and a fresh tear drops from her face onto Alex’s cheek as Alex parts her lips and breathes in every ounce of love, every ounce of belief, every ounce of hope, every ounce of impossible, that Maggie is pouring into her gentle, gentle, perfect kiss.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked:
> 
> Smut prompt: Maggie does some stupid shit that almost gets her killed, so Alex decides to put her new DEO sanctioned handcuffs to use so she can remind Maggie that she has someone who's expecting her to come home (aka Alex handcuffs Maggie to the bed and doesn't let her orgasm until she promises not to do stupid shit while on the job)

She pursues a suspect without waiting for backup, even though Alex is shouting for her to wait over the comm, even though Alex’s stomach is in knots because if she can just get there faster, faster, faster.

The comm goes dead and Alex wants to scream but Alex is trained better than that, so she just pushes the rookie agent driving to go faster, faster, faster.

When she storms onto the scene, Maggie’s got one knee on the guy’s back, cuffs around his pale wrists, gun drawn at his head just in case. There’s a cocky grin on her face, but there’s also a nice-sized slash on her cheek, and Alex is relieved, and Alex is livid.

“How the hell did they even let you through the academy, let alone promote you to detective, if you can’t follow orders?” she half-yells as she paces in her apartment that night, wringing her hands together and not quite making eye contact with her girlfriend who didn’t listen, who didn’t wait, who was fine but could have not been.

“Thought you said I’m a great cop,” Maggie responds dejectedly, and Alex freezes, and Alex softens, and Alex crosses the apartment to stroke Maggie’s hair, to kiss the cut on her face gently, so gently.

“You are a great cop, babe. I didn’t mean it like that, I just…”

“I don’t work for you, Danvers. I don’t need to follow your orders.”

“But you need to be _safe_.”

Maggie takes Alex’s hands into hers and kisses each of her knuckles, because she understands her anger, she understands her terror, because Maggie feels it every time Alex takes a risk in the field, too.

“I _am_ safe, babe. Look. I’m right here. Safe.”

“Safe,” Alex repeats, sweeping her hands and eyes down Maggie’s body reverently, needily.

“Safe and _yours,”_ Maggie says, because Maggie _knows._

Alex’s eyes widen slightly, and Alex’s breath hitches.

“So let’s see if I’ve got this right, Detective Sawyer. You’re _mine,_ but you don’t need to follow my orders,” she says, her voice low, and Maggie gulps, fighting the smirk that’s forming on her lips.

“Sounds about right, Danvers.”

“Not to me, it doesn’t.”

“Oh no?” They’re walking back toward the bed, now, Maggie heading backwards, Alex’s eyes gleaming dangerously.

“No. Because see, Detective Sawyer, since you’re _mine,_ you need to come home every night to me. Which means that you need to follow my orders. So you can come home. To me.”

Maggie’s knees hit the back of the bed and she trembles with need, trembles with want, trembles with everything that is Alex.

“Oh, is that the logic we’re going with, Danvers?”

“Yeah, that’s the logic we’re going with, Sawyer.”

They stare hard for a long moment, and their chests start heaving because they’re not even touching – but they’re so close they can feel each other’s body heat – but they’re already nearly out of breath.

“Color?” Alex demands, and Maggie nearly swoons.

“Green,” she barely whispers, but it’s enough.

Alex shoves her backward onto the bed by her shoulders, and Maggie lets her body fall, lets her body stay pliant for Alex.

Because Alex is reaching into her DEO equipment bag under her bed, and she’s pulling out DEO-issue handcuffs, and she’s arching an eyebrow and Maggie is gulping and Maggie is leaning up on her elbows and Maggie is nodding, nodding, nodding.

So Alex slips a strong arm under the small of Maggie’s back and pulls her up farther onto the bed, up far enough to slide a pillow under her head, to look down at her wide eyes and slightly parted lips, to wait, to wait, to wait.

“I think you need me to teach you to follow orders, Detective Sawyer,” Alex tells her, twirling the cuffs around in her fingers questioningly.

Maggie can barely breathe, but she slips her hands above her head, and Alex bites down a moan at her submission, at the raw need in her eyes.

Alex straddles her and Alex leans down, kissing her mouth until her lips are swollen.

“Color?” she rasps again, because she needs to know, needs to be sure.

“Green,” Maggie tells her, and Alex locks her up.

The DEO cuffs are solid and they’re unforgiving and they’re unmoving, and when she feels the cool metal close around her wrists, hears the faint whirr and click of the combination lock sealing, she grinds her hips up into Alex’s body.

Or tries to, because Alex leans her own hips up, out of Maggie’s reach, holding Maggie down with both her hands.

She raises an eyebrow as Maggie whines, and Maggie nods, nods, nods, because she can’t move her hands and now she can’t move her hips and Alex is looking down at her with raw lust in her eyes and fuck she’s never felt this cared for.

Alex slips off her and Maggie whines, but sighs in relief when she realizes it’s because Alex is tugging off her jeans, tugging off her thong, and Maggie’s hips are arching wildly off the bed, compensating for her inability to use her hands, but Alex doesn’t touch her, doesn’t touch her, doesn’t touch her.

“Green,” Maggie rasps without being asked, because she needs Alex not to stop.

“No sounds,” Alex orders, and Maggie bites her lip.

“Good girl. You’re gonna get a little reward for following orders now.”

Maggie nods desperately, fighting to keep her scream buried in her throat.

Alex runs her index finger up Maggie’s inner thigh slowly, slowly, slowly, pausing just before she reaches her clit.

“Don’t move,” Alex tells her, and Maggie fights to still her hips, fights to still her ineffectually thrashing cuffed hands.

“Mmm, see? Following orders isn’t that hard, is it?”

Maggie shakes her head, lip still between her teeth, and Alex crawls up her body to put her fingers in Maggie’s open palm, to check in. Maggie squeezes down on her fingers, and Alex kisses her gently on the wrists just below the cuffs, then kisses her hard, on the mouth, at her signal to keep going.

She continues traipsing her lips down Maggie’s body, kissing her, licking there, sucking here, biting there.

Every time Maggie yelps – every time Alex uses her teeth, every time she finds a particularly sensitive spot with her tongue – Alex stops, and Alex waits.

“Orders were to stay quiet,” she whispers every time, and every time Maggie nods desperately, and every time she bites her lips and every time Alex kisses her writhing body softly.

She pauses just below her navel, pauses and looks up at the woman she loves.

“I’m going to suck on your clit, and when I’m satisfied that you’re wet enough, I’m going to fuck you while I lick you. And you’re not going to make a sound, Detective. Can you follow that order?”

Maggie’s already failing, writhing and struggling against her cuffs, needing to tangle her hands in Alex’s hair, needing to bring her face down, needing to moan, needing to gasp, needing to scream.

“Detective, can you follow that order?”

Maggie is wrecked and Maggie nods and Alex wastes no time, because she’s just as wrecked. She moans deep in the back of her throat when she brings her lips down to Maggie’s clit, because god she’s already soaking wet for her and fuck she tastes she damn good and damn it feels amazing when she arches her hips up to meet her tongue, her lips, more, more, more.

And Alex gives her more, more, her tongue firm against Maggie’s clit, mixing pressure with teasing in the exact pattern she knows drives Maggie absolutely out of her mind, and she knows, she knows, because she knows her girl, that Maggie is going to cum, and soon.

A ragged whine escapes Maggie’s lips, and Alex groans, and Alex chuckles, and Alex stops, and Maggie nearly screams at the loss of contact.

“Alex, please.”

“Color?”

“Green, Ally, _please,_ please.”

“Please what, babe?”

“Please don’t stop.”

“Were you about to cum?” Alex asks, even though she knows the answer.

Maggie just whines, and Alex arches an eyebrow.

“I asked you a question, Detective.”

Maggie moans something inarticulate, slamming her cuffs ineffectually into the headboard.

“Say what now?”

“Yes.” Her voice is small and her voice is desperate.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, I was about to cum.”

“There’s my girl. But you’re not going to cum, Maggie – ”

Maggie groans and Alex holds up a finger questioningly and Maggie nods desperately and Alex slips inside her in one fluid motion, and Maggie _screams._

“Not until you promise me you’re going to get better at following orders. No more stupid risks on the job.”

“Alex.”

Alex arches an eyebrow and Maggie nods again, utterly wrecked, and Alex moans from deep in the back of her throat as she slips another finger inside her, then another, and Maggie’s entire body writhes and her cuffs jangle and Alex could cum herself just from _watching_ her, from _feeling_ her, from _listening_ to her.

“Promise me, Mags.”

_“Ally.”_

Alex’s tongue drags over Maggie’s clit, and Maggie’s scream rips at her throat and Alex moves her fingers inside Maggie’s body before pulling them out, out, out, and Maggie’s entire body protests, and Maggie _begs._

“Alex, _god_ , please don’t stop, _please,_ please, _Alex,_ I need you, _please.”_

“Promise me, Maggie Sawyer.”

“I promise, Ally. I promise, I promise, I promise.”

Alex smiles, and Alex slips back inside her, and Alex sucks on her clit, and Maggie doesn’t take long to cum, hard, all over her tongue, all over her fingers, all over her.

Maggie’s breathing slowly, slowly, slowly, start to regulate as Alex kisses her way softly up her trembling body, kisses her way up her arms, makes quick work of the cuffs and tosses them to the other side of the bed as she kisses every centimeter of Maggie’s wrists, every centimeter of Maggie’s face.

“I can’t lose you, Maggie.”

“And you won’t.”

“Well, I won’t now that you’ve learned how to follow orders properly.”

They giggle softly, and they kiss, and when Maggie pulls back, it’s with a smile in her eyes and dancing on her lips.

“You know, Danvers, I’m not sure I completely got the message. You might wanna show me again.”

They laugh harder, and they kiss deeper, and they hold each other closer, because the only orders that matter are the ones that keep them together, together, together.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex under the effects of the Black Mercy.
> 
> anonymous asked:
> 
> sanvers + lost. (sorry these all somehow turned into the one word prompt things that some people ask for. i personally like seeing how the writer interprets the word and what they decide to make)

She’s pretty sure she’s dreaming, but dreaming has never felt quite this vivid.

And she’s had some pretty vivid nightmares since she joined the DEO.

The DEO! Why would… why would she be at home in Midvale? She’s on assignment, she…

“Morning babe!” Maggie greets her from the kitchen, six mugs set out for coffee as Kara bustles around behind her stirring up a mean pancake batter.

“Maggie, what – ”

“Good morning, honey.” A scruffy kiss lands on her cheek and Alex jumps, and then Alex sobs, and then Alex backs away quickly, quickly, quickly.

“Dad, you – no, Cadmus has you, you’re not – and Maggie’s not – no, no, Cadmus has you, I’m dreaming, or – is that my board?”

Her eyes land on the surfboard – propped up near the back door – she rode in her last competition before leaving for Stanford. The one she completely wiped out on. The one she’d tossed in a fit of rage, a fit of despair, a fit of not being worthy, of not being deserving, of not being good enough.

It’s clean and it’s sleek and it’s new-looking, and Eliza steps in from the backyard with a wide smile.

“Oh Alex, I’m so proud of you. My beautiful girl.”

Eliza steps forward and hugs her and kisses both her cheeks and Jeremiah beams and Maggie giggles with Kara as they try to smear each other’s noses with pancake batter.

“Mom, what – what’d I do?”

Eliza shrugs as she steps back from Alex’s befuddled arms. “You don’t have to do anything for me to be proud of you, Alexandra.”

Alex squints and Alex steps back again.

“No. No, this isn’t right, this isn’t… The DEO – J’onn needs me, I – ”

“The DEO? Alex, we haven’t been bothered by those damn soldiers since you created that serum to keep Kara safe from kryptonite, remember?”

Alex blinks and Maggie sidles up and kisses her slow, kisses her soft, kisses her passionate. “Mmm, my brilliant fiancée, being brilliant. And beautiful. As always.”

“Your… fiancée?” Alex blinks and Kara laughs.

“How early were you up to surf this morning, Alex? You even awake yet?”

“I… no… I…”

But Maggie’s lips are soft and Kara’s smile is warm and Jeremiah’s cologne is strong and Eliza’s pride is… genuine. Deep. Unconditional.

And the ringing in the back of her mind diminishes, the alarm bells in the pit of her stomach settle, the tension in her ready-to-fight muscles dispels.

Because in a half hour, J’onn and James and Winn and M’gann are streaming through the door, with champagne and with orange juice and with pie, because Sunday is for brunch and brunch is for family and family is whole and here and now.

Alex leans into Jeremiah as she laughs and Eliza strokes her hair and asks everyone if they’d ever seen such a perfect couple and Kara is popping champagne bottles with her powers and she’s kissing Alex’s cheek as she crosses past where she’s sitting with Maggie, who’s joking with James and M’gann, who’s sitting next to a skeptical-looking J’onn listening to an overenthusiastic pitch for some new computer whosawhatsit from Winn.

And by the end of the day, she forgets that there is something to worry about. Because this is her life. And her life is perfect.

She waves energetically from way out on the surf when she sees Maggie and Kara, weeks and weeks and lifetimes later, standing on the shore waiting for her, waving her in. She tosses up a hand and knows Kara will be able to see that she’s gesturing one, one more, one more wave.

And she catches it, and it’s perfect, and it’s beautiful, and she doesn’t risk swiveling her eyes toward Maggie, but she knows she’s impressed and she knows she’s turned on and she knows she’s in love, in love, in love.

She rides through the funnel of a wave until it crashes down, and she carries the board the rest of the way out to Maggie and Kara.

“Alex. You look happy,” Kara says, but she doesn’t sound like herself. Alex furrows her brow.

“Of course I’m happy, Kara, why wouldn’t I be happy?”

Kara and Maggie exchange a glance, and Alex’s frown deepens.

“What’s wrong with you two? Didn’t you see me ride that wave?”

“Yeah, it was great, babe, you were great – you’re always great – but Ally, baby, you – ”

“Alex, remember when I was under the effects of the Black Mercy?”

Alex stares between Kara and Maggie and Alex laughs.

“The what now?”

“Babe, I know this is going to be so hard. And I’m so sorry, but honey, it – Al, this world you’re living in? It’s not the only world out there. It’s not the world you’re… you’re actually from.”

“What the hell, Maggie? What’re you talking about?”

“Alex, it’s me. It’s your _sister,_ you have to trust me, trust us, it – this isn’t real. None of this, I’m sorry, none of it is real. What’s real is that right now, you’re hallucinating, you’re… you’re creating the perfect world, your perfect world, around yourself, but your real body… Alex, you’re dying, the Black Mercy will keep you here forever if you don’t come with us, and I – ”

“Kara, what the hell? You’ve been here with me, you’ve been staying here with me, while Maggie and my apartment gets renovated in National City, you – ”

Kara pales and Maggie gulps, and Alex notices why the moment after they do.

Because suddenly Kara and Maggie aren’t the only Kara and Maggie on the beach.

Suddenly, the two women she’s been living with – the women in soft clothes and sunburnt skin – make the two women she’s been talking to, with their pale expressions and their wide eyes and the sidearm and badge on Maggie’s hip, stand out as imposters, as invaders, as fakes. As threats.

“What the hell – ”

“Ally, I’m so sorry, babe, but Kara’s right, you have to listen to her – ”

“Listen to her? Alex, who are these people? Why do they look like us? Should we call Clark? He can help us get rid of them, Alex.”

“Alex, babe, this isn’t you, this isn’t your life. This isn’t the life we’re building together – ”

“The life you’re building together? You might look like me, but I’m the one with the finger Danvers put a ring on – ”

“What the – Al, you wanna – ”

“Maggie, don’t let yourself get distracted, we need to – ”

“Right. Right right right. Al, I – no – ”

No, because the Black Mercy versions of Kara and Maggie are restraining them, now, are fighting them punch for punch, mirroring their moves and holding them down, Eliza and Jeremiah suddenly on the shore to oversee the brawl.

“Babe, this isn’t your dad. But I promise you, we’re gonna find him, Alex, I promise you but this – this isn’t how – ” She takes a punch to the gut from herself as Kara slams herself into the sand.

“Alex, you need to listen to Maggie – the real Maggie – and me, Alex, it’s me, I’m me, I’m your sister, I – I broke your hand the first time I tried a human handshake, and you crawled under the kitchen table with me the first time I got scared of the popcorn maker, and you needed stitches that time I pulled that girl out of that van, and you know why I’m telling you this?”

Kara is yelling, now, is pleading, because the other version of herself is holding her down, is holding her back, just as the other version of Maggie is holding Maggie down, is holding Maggie back.

“Because this world, Alex? This world doesn’t allow for that kind of pain, for any pain. And when I was trapped in my own world, you told me, Alex, you saved me – you told me that the world can’t always be without pain, but Alex, Maggie needs you, J’onn needs you.”

“Don’t listen to this imposter, Alexandra, she’s trying to corrupt your beautiful mind – ”

“Alex please, I _need_ you. I have _always_ needed you, more than I’ve ever needed anyone, anything. And the _world_ needs you, Alex, _Jeremiah_ needs you! He needs you to rescue him from Cadmus, and the world needs you to keep it safe, and I need my sister!”

Alex stares at the tears streaming down Kara’s face, at the blood streaming down Maggie’s. Her Kara’s. Her Maggie’s.

Hers. Because Jeremiah. Jeremiah needs her. J’onn. The world. Maggie.

And Kara. Kara, Kara, Kara.

Calloused hands take her by the arms, now, and it’s the last bit of convincing she needs, because Jeremiah would never hurt her, never, and this? This grip hurts.

“Alex, you don’t need to rescue me. You don’t need to rescue anyone. I’m here, Kara’s safe. All thanks to you, Alex. You can live your life here, with all of us, with the people who love you, not these… not these imposters.”

His grip on her arms hurts, and his words are soft, but his eyes are hard.

And Alex kisses his forehead anyway, because she knows. She knows it’s the last chance she’ll get in a long time.

But he lets her go, because he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand that she’s saying goodbye.

“I will rescue you, Dad. I will. That’s a promise. And I’ll find a way to make you proud, Mom. Somehow.”

Jeremiah’s eyes glow and he leaps on her, then, to prevent her from reaching Kara, to prevent her from reaching Maggie. She hits the sand and her surfboard snaps against her ribs, and she screams, and Maggie struggles to free herself enough to reach for her hand, and Kara struggles to reach for her other, and Eliza yells and Jeremiah’s fist raises and the world goes black.

The world goes black until she opens her eyes, and she gasps, and she sits bolt upright.

And she sobs.

Kara and Maggie’s hands find her as J’onn grasps her thigh, and she lets her sister and her once-fiancée-now-girlfriend hold her, hold her, their tears mixing with hers on her face.

“I’m sorry, Ally,” Maggie whispers into her hair, and Alex moves back and shakes her head.

“No. Mags, babe, I… no, I – I was lost. I was lost, and you two found me. That’s… never apologize for that.”

She leans up and kisses Maggie’s lips and she leans back and pulls Kara into a bone-crushing hug.

“You’re my sister, Alex. I will never let you stay lost. Never.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked:
> 
> alex goes down on maggie for the first time

She’s been nervous all day, and Maggie notices.

Of course Maggie notices.

The first time she asks, it’s with a small kiss to the back of Alex’s neck as she presses a cup of coffee into her hands. “You okay, babe? Quiet today.”

Alex shivers and Maggie backs off, scared she’s done something. But Alex turns around so quickly she nearly spills the coffee and puts a hand on Maggie’s cheek. “You’re fine, babe, no, I just… no. All good.”

She gives a smile that’s all lips and no teeth, and Maggie furrows her brow, but she knows Alex has a lot going on in the lab with trying to find Jeremiah, so she doesn’t pry further. She’ll talk when she’s ready.

It turns out, talking isn’t what Alex has in mind. Talking isn’t what has Alex so nervous.

Because Maggie sends her extra sweet texts all day, and she asks if Kara would mind terribly getting Alex lunch from that food truck in Chicago, and Maggie gets home extra early to draw a bath for her and cook her dinner.

But it turns out that Alex’s nerves are just that – nerves – not stress.

Nerves, because she sees Maggie’s efforts, and they warm her heart, and they make her even more nervous.

Because Maggie’s gone down on her several times now. And she can’t get the amazing memories out of her head.

And now, she wants more. Now, she wants to return the favor.

Which terrifies her. Because what if she doesn’t like it? What if she can’t figure out what to do? What if she’s bad at it? What if she’s bad at it and she doesn’t like it? What if she doesn’t like it and she’s good at it? What if she messes everything up?

But Maggie’s warmth, Maggie’s openness, Maggie’s kindness because she thinks something is wrong? It all serves to make Alex sure.

She doesn’t explain herself as she draws Maggie into her arms, as she pulls her into a deep, deep hug, settling her chin over Maggie’s shoulder.

“I want to go down on you,” she whispers after a time, and Maggie stills, and Maggie laughs.

“Wait – what, no, Al, I’m sorry, babe, no, that’s not why I’m laughing, I – is that what’s gotten you all tense today? Have you been thinking about that? Because babe, if it’s making you that nervous, you don’t have to – ”

“No, no, I mean – yes, yeah, it – I – no, I _want_ to, Maggie, I just… what if I’m…” Her voice trails off and her eyes betray her and Maggie kisses her soft, kisses her smooth, kisses her loving.

“There’s no possible way you could be anything but perfect, Ally.”

Maggie feels Alex’s lips curl up into a wicked grin even as she’s kissing her, and her heart starts racing, knowing Alex, knowing where Alex’s mind is going, knowing where Alex wants her tongue to be.

“Yeah? Good then, Sawyer. Go lay down and take your clothes off for me.”

Maggie’s breath hitches and she obeys, practically tugging Alex into the bedroom with her.

“Babe, you sure?” she hesitates with her fingers on the hem of her henley. “We don’t have to. Just because I go down on you doesn’t mean you – ”

“Hush up and strip for me, Sawyer,” Alex says, because she’s a DEO agent, dammit, and Maggie thinks she’s perfect, and she’s been nervous long enough.

Maggie gasps raggedly and complies, laying back on the bed on her elbows, her eyes wide, her eyes soft, her eyes, now, more nervous than Alex’s.

“You’re gorgeous, Maggie,” Alex rasps as she kneels on the bed in front of Maggie’s open legs, and Maggie has no choice but to believe her.

“Al, whenever you want to stop, for whatever reason, you’re fine, you can stop, okay?”

Alex doesn’t answer with words.

She answers, instead, by covering Maggie’s naked body with her own clothed one, holding herself up on her hands to keep her full weight off Maggie, kissing her mouth, kissing her throat, kissing her collarbone, licking her way down her chest, paying special attention to Maggie’s nipples until she’s wrecked and writhing underneath her.

“ _Alex_ ,” Maggie moans, burying her fingers in Alex’s hair, and Alex growls into her skin.

“What do you want, babe?” Alex asks, even though she already knows.

Maggie looks down at her and licks her lips, trying to control the writhing of her hips against Alex’s jeans, and failing miserably.

“Do you still want – ”

Alex grins softly at her hesitation and shifts up to kiss her mouth again. “You talk so dirty when you’re on top of me, Sawyer: and now you can’t ask me for what you want?”

“I don’t want to pressure you.” Her voice is small and earnest and Alex knows she’s in love.

“You’re not pressuring me, Mags. I asked originally.” She arches an eyebrow and she waits, and Maggie knows she’s in love.

“I want you to go down on me,” Maggie whispers, and Alex’s eyes flash.

“Good girl,” Alex murmurs as she traces her way down Maggie’s skin, and Maggie moans and slams her hands into the sheets helplessly.

“Ally, _please_ ,” she begs, and Alex hovers over her curls, presses kisses just above her clit, presses kisses to her soft inner thighs, teases her legs open farther, and stares up at the woman who’s biting her lip and fighting to keep her hips still, fighting to keep her breath somewhat even.

“You good, Maggie?” she asks, and Maggie purses her lips and nods and squeaks and barely holds in the begging she wants to be doing.

Alex runs her thumb over Maggie’s clit, and Maggie gasps harshly. “Good?” Alex checks, and Maggie nods more, more, more.

Alex shifts so her body is lower, so she’s laying right between Maggie’s legs, and she licks her lips, and her heart hammers in her chest, and her trembling thumb and index finger part Maggie’s short, coarse hair, and Maggie whimpers, and Alex brings her lips down to kiss her exposed, swollen clit.

Maggie _screams_ and Alex moans, letting her lips open, and her heart leaps, because Maggie’s scent is filling her nose and her taste is starting to flood over her tongue and god she never imagined going down on someone could feel this incredible.

She tentatively drags her tongue over her clit, slow and firm, and Maggie screams again and pants as she weaves her fingers through Alex’s hair.

“That okay?” she asks raggedly, and Alex nods eagerly and moans, letting the vibration wash over Maggie’s clit as Maggie’s fingers tighten in her hair. Alex grinds her own hips down into the sheets, and she stares up at Maggie’s writhing form.

“You’re beautiful, Mags,” Alex whispers, and Maggie answers with her name on her lips, and Alex smiles as she starts tracing slow, languorous circles on Maggie’s clit, teasing her with a quicker pace now, a slower pace then, harder pressure now, softer then.

“Al, I – ”

Alex stops immediately, and Maggie whines in protest. “I want you inside me,” Maggie begs, and Alex understands and licks her lips and lifts one of Maggie’s legs over her shoulder.

She kisses her way down from Maggie’s clit to her wet opening, and she moans as she slips her tongue into her, as Maggie screams and whines and begs and arches her hips up desperately, raggedly, and Alex’s heart soars because maybe she’s good at this after all.

She fucks her with her tongue and she slides one of her hands under Maggie’s ass and squeezes, and she’s never felt Maggie so fucking wrecked.

But then Maggie’s fingers are tapping the back of her head instead of tugging at her hair, and Alex stills immediately, looking up with a pale face.

“You okay, babe? Did I hurt you, I’m sorry – ”

“No, no, Alex, I… no. I just… so intense, I…”

“I’m sorry – ”

“No, Al, that’s a good thing, I promise, I just…” Maggie covers her eyes with one of her hands and Alex watches her carefully. “I’ve just never felt anything that intense before. No one’s ever… paid attention to me like that, wanted to… to give me that much.”

Alex smiles as she buries her murderous desires toward everyone Maggie’s ever slept with, and she wipes her mouth on her shoulder as she kisses Maggie’s clit once more, kisses the insides of her thighs, and crawls up her body to hold her close.

“It’s called being loved, get used to it, Sawyer,” she whispers as she kisses her nose, and Maggie smiles broadly as she sighs sleepily, happily. Perfectly.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked:
> 
> Prompt: After a particular hard mission Alex comes home and just wants to lose control. So she basically drops to her knees and is ready to bottom once she comes home. I'm sorry. I am just a sucker for angsty sex...

Her nerve endings have been on fire for over eighteen hours.

She’d washed off almost as much blood as she had dirt in the DEO showers, and every one of her muscles ached.

She’d commanded her team and she’d gotten every single one of them home safe, including that rookie agent who had a kid on the way.

She’d been on her game, completely present, completely in control, completely focused, for over eighteen torturous hours with no let up.

If she’d lost control, even for a moment, people would have died. Good people. People who have other people who love them.

People she couldn’t afford to fail.

And now? Now, all she wants is the woman waiting for her at home, the woman who’d texted her saying _Winn told me you had a rough mission, babe. I’m so proud of you for getting everyone home safe. I’d love to see you, but if you need to be alone, it’s completely fine. Let me know what’s best for you._

But Alex doesn’t want to let her know.

Oh, she’ll tell her all about the mission, all about the way they almost lost Chan, the way she almost lost a limb, the way they almost lost Winter.

She’ll tell her, but she’ll tell her tomorrow.

Right now? Right now, she doesn’t want to make any decisions.

Not anymore, not tonight. Tonight, she wants Maggie to make all of the decisions for her.

So she doesn’t text back, instead making the last decision she wants to have control of tonight. She shows up to Maggie’s studio and scrapes her key in the lock.

She looks into Maggie’s eyes – Maggie, fumbling around in the kitchen, wearing nothing but boxers and one of James’s sweatshirts – and she knows, immediately, that Maggie understands, just from looking at her – just from looking at her slightly hunched shoulders, her doe eyes, her small stance – what she wants. What she needs.

Maggie says nothing, just sets down the dish she was drying, wipes her hands, tosses the towel down, and strides past Alex to close and lock the door. She licks her lips, subtly checking Alex’s body for any outward signs of injuries.

Alex sinks to her knees.

Maggie’s breath hitches.

Alex’s eyes are wide and innocent and raw and needy, and when she licks her lips slow and suggestive, she makes it clear what she wants to do with them next.

Maggie tries to remember how to breathe before bending down and kissing Alex’s forehead.

“Be a good girl for me and stay here for a minute. Don’t move a muscle, Ally.”

Her words are commanding, but her voice is liquid and her eyes are gentle, are protection, are comfort, are safety.

Alex nods obediently. “Understood,” she whispers, and a thrill shoots through Maggie’s core as she strokes Alex’s hair gently before striding to her bedside table.

She feels Alex watching her, and her face heats up as her heart races, the sound of the opening drawer grating through the studio as she tugs out a harness, tugs out a strap on, and secures them both over her boxers. She adjusts herself so the base of the dildo is right over her clit, and she shudders with anticipation.

On her way back across the apartment – on her way back to Alex – she grabs a pillow, and when she’s back in range of touching her kneeling girlfriend, she instructs her to lift so she can rest her knees on the pillow.

Alex rises obediently, but her eyes are fixated on Maggie’s strap-on, her hips practically arching with need.

“Something you want, babygirl?” Maggie asks, tousling Alex’s hair with an almost lazy – but extremely deliberate – hand.

Alex nods quietly, and Maggie understands.

“I want you to suck me off, Alex. Can you do that for me?”

A strangled whimper nearly dies in Alex’s throat, and her eyes are wide, and her eyes are eager as she nods again.

“Good girl. Go on now, open your lips for me, baby.”

Alex obeys readily, and Maggie barely contains a growl.

She tosses her head back and pushes her hips toward Alex’s mouth as slowly, as controlled, as she can. Alex moans around the strap-on as she takes Maggie deeper, and the vibrations, the sound, the image of Alex Danvers on her knees for her, trusting her, loving her, wanting her, nearly make Maggie’s knees give out.

“I wanna be in the back of your throat, Ally,” Maggie whispers, her face hot, her heart hammering because what if that’s too much, what if Alex doesn’t –

But Alex does, god, she does, because Maggie, Maggie, _Maggie,_ and Maggie’s fingers tangle in Alex’s hair as Alex takes her as deep as she can, bring her fingers to the base of Maggie’s strap-on and pushing in time with the movements of her mouth, her lips, so Maggie has all the pressure on her clit that she needs.

“Alex,” she moans raggedly, and Alex smiles even as Maggie fills her mouth, because god, she’s never trusted anyone like this, never wanted anyone like this, never wanted anyone to make decisions for her like this, to take care of her like this.

And god, does Maggie want to take care of her.

“You’re being such a good girl for me, I’m gonna make you cum, okay Al?” Maggie tells her, taking her hands out of her hair, off the back of her head, and offering to help her up.

“Understood,” Alex whispers in a small voice that has Maggie wondering what kind of torture she saw today, what kind of hell she survived, but she knows they’ll talk in the morning, in the safety of the sunrise and coffee and warm blankets and nakedness.

Right now? Now, she’s going to make good on her promise to make Alex Danvers writhe and scream and beg for her.

“Bed,” Maggie tells her when she’s on her feet, and Alex walks forward obediently.

“Strip,” is Maggie’s next command, soft but steady, and Alex’s wide eyes leave Maggie’s as she removes her boots, her socks, her jeans, her shirt, her bra, her underwear.

“My beautiful girl,” Maggie murmurs, and Alex has never felt this safe.

“Lay down and spread your legs for me.” Alex squeaks and Alex obeys.

“Understood,” she whispers, and Maggie is wildly in love.

Maggie kisses her way up Alex’s body, from toes to knees to inner thighs, from clit to stomach to breasts to collarbone to throat to face.

“You are so gorgeous, Alex Danvers,” she breathes into her ear, and Alex writhes for contact.

“Touch yourself for me, Ally. Show me what you want me to do to you.”

Alex could cum just from those words alone, just from the intensity in Maggie’s eyes, the way her look makes her feel surrounded, protected, held. Safe. Loved.

Valued.

Taken care of.

She brings trembling fingers to her nipple and she brings trembling fingers to her clit.

She pinches and she pressures and she obeys Maggie when she reminds her to keep her legs open so she can see everything.

“Is that how you want me to touch you, Alex?”

Alex squeaks and nods, and Maggie grins softly.

“With my fingers, with my tongue, or with my strap-on?”

Alex stammers and Alex can’t form words, and Maggie leans down to kiss her forehead, and Maggie understands, so Maggie guesses.

“You want me tongue here,” she suggests, gesturing to Alex’s nipple, and Alex nods desperately.

Maggie smiles and gently lifts Alex’s hand away from her breast, bringing her fingers slowly, deliberately, one-by-one, into her mouth. She licks and she sucks and she makes Alex whimper and thrash desperately, still touching her own clit, as Maggie wets each of Alex’s fingers before returning them to Alex’s nipple.

Alex gasps as her nipple hardens at the contact, and Maggie smiles softly.

“Good girl, Ally,” she whispers, kissing her forehead again.

“And you um… you want me to stay on your clit, or you want me to fuck your pussy like I fucked your mouth?”

Alex gasps out a strangled scream and her hips arch violently. “I…”

“You don’t have to say it, baby, just show me. Show me what you want, beautiful.”

“Understood,” Alex chokes out, barely breathing, and slips her three of her own fingers inside herself, all at once, because god she knows she’s more than wet enough, and Maggie moans raggedly at the image.

“You’re gorgeous, Danvers,“ she promises her, and Alex smiles breathlessly.

“I’m going to fuck you just how you want to be fucked now, okay? You gonna be a good girl and let me make you cum nice and hard for me?”

Alex squeaks and Alex nods, and Alex is _wrecked_ and Alex is so, so desperate.

Maggie makes good on her word, her tongue working magic on Alex’s nipple, her palm, her thigh, working wonders on Alex’s clit, her strap-on stretching Alex out just like she wants, just like she’s begging for, just like she’s been waiting for since Maggie pulled out of her mouth.

Maggie holds her extra close when Alex cums, screaming and thrashing and gasping for breath, and Maggie whispers to her the entire way through.

“There’s my good girl.”

“I got you, baby, just let it all go.”

“God, you’re beautiful, Alex.”

“Alex, Alex, Alex.”

“I love you, Alex. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

And god, god, god, does she love Maggie, too.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked:
> 
> OMG i need a part 2 to the lost fic really badlyyy omg One where alex and maggie further discuss the fact that they were enegaged in alex's perfect world (only if you have the time mom) xxx
> 
> Prompt referencing this fic: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8856685/chapters/21833867 (chapter 20 of this fic)

Maggie’s eyes are bloodshot – and she imagines hers are, too – as she lets herself be poked, be prodded, be scanned.

Be checked over by every medic the DEO’s got, because she’s just come out of a Black Mercy attack, and hell, at least Maggie and Kara are being subjected to similar tests, to similar invasions, to make sure they’re okay from linking their brains with hers to come and rescue her.

At least they’re going through the same tests, because god, god, god, she doesn’t know how she’d be able to stand being alone right now.

J’onn knows. He stays particularly close to her all the while, his eyes constantly searching her face, her body, like the intensity of his gaze can protect her from everything she’s reeling from.

From everything she’s lost.

James and Winn know. Winn stays close to Maggie, and James stays close to Kara, but whenever they shift so the medics can get by, they touch her thigh, her shoulder, her hand. They let her know she’s not alone.

Because god, god, god, they love her, and whatever she saw, whatever she lost, however long she was in her paradise only to be ripped back into a world where her sister’s life is always at risk, all their lives are always at risk, Cadmus has her father, her mother doesn’t know how to love her right…

They need her to know she’s not alone.

And Alex tries to know. She does.

She goes home with Kara that night – of course she goes home with Kara that night, to watch old musicals and eat all the chunks out of the ice cream and let Kara wrap her arms around her and kiss her forehead and tuck her in and hold her while she cries, her words incoherent, her words unnecessary, because Kara’s fallen to the Black Mercy too, and Kara loves her, and Kara knows.

James and Winn gladly take Maggie duty, take her to Winn’s apartment to blow stuff up on his latest game console, because Maggie isn’t the talking type, but they know she needs to eat, they know she needs to drink, and they know she won’t want to be alone, either.

Because whatever she saw Alex seeing, her perfect life, her Black Mercy life? It probably kills Maggie on the inside, too.

Maggie texts before she falls asleep, sprawled on the pullout couch between Winn and James, empty pizza boxes and beer bottles problems for the morning.

_Hey babe. I’m glad you’re home safe. I know you’re with Kara, but I’m here if you need anything. I’m here._

Alex doesn’t respond – she doesn’t know what to say – but Kara sees the text, and Kara slips into the bathroom and texts Maggie herself.

_She smiled when she read it, Maggie, and then she started crying again. I think she’s embarrassed? She’s not mad at you or anything, don’t worry. She’s okay. She’ll be okay. I’ll take care of her. I hope the boys are taking good care of you._

She wipes away her own tears when Maggie texts her back.

_And who’s taking care of you, Little Danvers? You almost lost your sister today. You alright? You need anything?_

She sniffles and yells to Alex that she’s fine, she’ll be right out, don’t start _My Fair Lady_ without her.

_Alex is taking care of me, too. Just by being here. We got her back, Maggie. She’ll heal. And so will we._

_What’s that your family’s crest means, Kara? Stronger together? Seems applicable, huh?_

Kara’s heart warms and she hopes, suddenly, that Alex wants to marry Maggie in this life, too.

That the Black Mercy – that what Maggie saw – won’t terrify Alex into running away.

Maggie hopes for the same, and the next night, when Alex finally responded and asked if Maggie wanted to come over, she fidgets and she gulps and she takes a series of deep, calming breaths before she raps on the door.

Alex answers almost immediately, like she’d been standing there, waiting.

She probably had been.

“Hi,” Maggie says, her voice soft, her voice open, her voice vulnerable.

“Hey,” Alex returns, her voice exactly the same. “Come in,” she follows, sweeping her hand in, and Maggie is reminded of the night she was shot by Cyborg Superman, and her heart constricts, because in Alex’s fantasy, Cyborg Superman was only the stuff of distant nightmares.

“How you holding up, Danvers?” Maggie asks, looking Alex up and down as she steps past her into the apartment, like a quick once-over of her pajama pants and henley and bare feet can tell her everything she needs to know.

“Fine. It’s nothing like what Kara went through – her planet, her family, were dead, then alive, then dead again. You know?”

Maggie leans against the counter with narrowed eyes, radiating pain. “Alex, just because Kara’s planet’s gone doesn’t make your pain any less.”

“What pain?” Alex tosses her hands behind her, and she might not hear the tremble in her own voice, but Maggie does.

“We can rescue my dad and head to Midvale, and everything would be the same as it was! It’s not a big deal, it wasn’t – ”

“Except we haven’t rescued your dad, and we don’t know what kind of damage Cadmus has done to him, and your mother isn’t unconditionally proud of you. Hell, Alex, she’s been pretty abusive to you your entire life. And Kara isn’t safe, and you’re not safe, and none of the people you love are ever safe, because we’re all soldiers of one type or another, and in that world, the biggest threat was the sand getting too hot under your feet, so yeah, Danvers, you can be sad. It can be a big deal. You’re allowed to be in pain, Alex.”

She reaches hesitantly for Alex’s face, and Alex leans in with a soft sigh, her eyes closed, and the tension uncoils from both of their bodies as their skin connects.

Silence. Only breathing. Only reveling in the fact that _she’s alive, she’s alive, she came home to us, she’s home, she’s safe, she’s safe._ Until Alex breaks the silence.

“Not everything.”

“What?”

“You didn’t list everything that was different about that… fantasy.”

Maggie’s stomach twists, and Maggie braces herself not to run, not to flee, but what if Alex remembers that they were engaged, and what if Alex doesn’t want that in real life, what if Alex would only want that if the world were different, if she were different, if Maggie were different, whole, if –

“We were engaged,” she forces out of her lips before her legs can run.

She hears Alex’s breath hitch, and she braces herself for the goodbye, for the _it was fun while it lasted_ , for the _why would I want to marry my coming out affair in real life_ , for the _in a fantasy world, you weren’t quite so damaged, but in this world, why would I ever want to put a ring on your finger?_

“Yeah. Yeah, we were,” is Alex’s shaky reply, and Maggie looks up at her eyes, because there’s fear in Alex’s voice, and good god, Alex is terrified.

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay. Look at me. Look at me, Alex.”

She tilts her head so she can meet Alex’s downcast eyes, and Alex’s lips tremble.

“Are you… are you scared that I… Alex, what are you scared of?”

“We’ve only been together a few months, it’s too much, I’m too much, it’s stupid, I’m stupid, it – ”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, Danvers. Alex. It’s not stupid, and you’re not stupid. And yeah, okay, it might be a little early, but Alex, I… Lemme put it to you this way, Danvers. Put one of those crab bug things on my chest tomorrow – ”

“Don’t say something like that!”

“ – and I would have a pretty damn similar fantasy. Except in mine, it’d be like our wedding day, every day, because I… Alex, I l – you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, Alex, and I love you, okay? I love you, Alex Danvers, and I – ”

Her words are wrapped up in Alex’s response, in Alex’s _I love you, too_ , the _I love you, too_ that she writes with her lips onto Maggie’s mouth, that she speaks with her hands on Maggie’s cheeks, in Maggie’s hair, that she promises with her tongue slipping into her mouth, her breath becoming Maggie’s breath, her soft moans and quiet tears mingling with Maggie’s until they can’t tell whose is whose, and it doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, because god, she loves her too, she loves her too, she loves her too.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex’s Rage
> 
> (heads up for Alex torturing someone and a lot of blood [but not gore])

Her knuckles are bleeding – or maybe that’s the blood of her prisoner – and she doesn’t care.

Doesn’t care, because he can tell her where to find her father, and who knows what Lilian Luthor is doing to him after she and Kara foiled that deportation-style genocide attempt.

Something’s bleeding, and the more blood the better, and she doesn’t know if her throat is ripping on her own screams or, somehow, on his.

But then another voice rises, another sound.

A banging.

Not of fist on flesh or metal on bone.

A banging of an open palm on the reinforced glass wall of the prisoner’s cage.

A banging of two open palms, and agonized screaming. Screaming of her name.

“Alex! Alex, stop it! Stop it, let him go! Danvers! Stop it!”

She’s never heard Maggie scream – not like this – and it’s that shock, more than anything, that allows the adrenaline coursing through her veins to still long enough for her to let him go, to let him slump to the ground, for her to unlock the door from the inside and step out into the rest of the DEO.

The rest of the DEO that just heard Maggie screaming for her girlfriend to stop torturing a man.

J'onn is running and Winn is running after, and Winn puts his hand over his mouth and J'onn balks and he tugs Alex farther from the cage.

“What the hell were you thinking, Agent Danvers?”

“He knows where my father is – ”

“Alex, you could have killed him – ”

“I would have stopped – ”

“It doesn’t sound like you would have stopped.”

“I would have – ”

“Stopping isn’t the point, Danvers. You shouldn’t have started.”

Maggie’s voice is distant and hollow.

Maggie’s voice is low, controlled rage.

Maggie’s voice, more than the blood on her hands, chills Alex to the bone.

And maybe that’s the problem.

“Get him a medic,” J'onn commands after turning to regard Maggie with something like gratitude, because maybe, finally, Alex will accept the help she’s needed all this time.

“And Detective Sawyer, would you be good enough to escort Agent Danvers to the med bay?”

Maggie just stands there, staring at Alex like she’s never quite seen her before, and Alex can’t tell if it’s hatred or shock in her eyes. Or both.

“I’ll take her,” Winn says, softly, his hands just having come down from his mouth. “Come on, Alex.”

He touches her gentle and he touches her soft, guiding her body upstairs because Alex doesn’t know it yet, but her body is shaking terribly.

“He knows where my father is,” Alex mutters, and Winn tries not to flinch at the blood dripping from her body onto his.

“I know, Alex,” he murmurs absently.

“She hates me now, doesn’t she?”

“Maggie? No. No, I don’t think so. But Alex, you gotta admit, you were… there was a lot of blood in that cage.”

“We need information.”

“We need to stay human. Or… ethical, I guess, is the more specific word.”

She tugs out of his grasp. “So you’re on her side?”

“I don’t think there are sides, Alex, I’m just worried – ”

“I can get to the infirmary on my own.”

She’s gone, trailing blood behind her, before he can react.

Warm breath at his shoulder signals Maggie’s arrival. They don’t look at each other, both staring after Alex.

“You okay?” he asks her after a long moment.

“I’m in love with a woman who tortures people. Who works for an organization that is everything I joined the police force to try to change. I’m in love with her, Winn, but she…”

“Has a lot of blood on her hands.”

“God.”

“Yeah. Listen, I’m here. If you need anything. I mean, I think she’s mad at me – ”

“She’s mad at everyone right now, Mr. Schott. She’ll come back to you – both of you – when she’s ready,” J'onn says softly, making both Winn and Maggie jump as he steps up behind them silently.

And she’s ready – almost – after they’ve given her sedatives, after they’ve started to mend her broken knuckles, after they’ve started separating her blood from the man she’d tortured.

“Sorry I snapped at you, Schott,” she murmurs, and she nods at J'onn. They both grimace a smile as they back out of the med bay, knowing that now isn’t the right time for words.

Not with them, anyway.

Maggie stays standing, hovering next to Alex’s biobed. Staring at her girlfriend’s injuries. Knowing that when she closes her eyes, she’ll see the injuries of the man she hurt.

Alex is the first to speak.

“What happened to not interfering with my job?”

Maggie swallows, and breathes, and swallows again.

“You don’t think there’s a line between trying to rescue hundreds of innocent people while saving your father and torturing people?”

“You said ride or die. I didn’t realize that had exceptions.”

“Alex, you…” She stammers and she tosses up her arms and she crosses them over her chest and she paces away.

Alex sits up and swings her feet of the bed.

“I what?”

“I support you, Alex. Unconditionally. But you know what supporting you means sometimes? Telling you when you’re wrong. And you’re wrong, Alex. There’s no gray here, there’s no… Alex, his blood was all over the walls, you…”

“I would have stopped.”

“It’s not about stopping, Danvers! It’s about not starting! My god, can you imagine if someone did what you just did to that man to me? Or to your sister?”

“I would – ”

“I know! But Alex, that guy? That asshole guy is someone’s me. He’s someone’s Kara. And even if he weren’t, Alex, he’s a person. You can’t save humanity and aliens by surrendering what it means to be a person, Danvers. And you just…”

“So what, Maggie, you want to leave? You want to break up with me? Because I was doing my job?”

“That wasn’t your job, Alex, and even if it were – ”

“Oh, like you’d refuse an order?”

“It wasn’t an order! And if it had been? Yeah. Yeah, Alex, I would have refused it. Why wouldn’t you?”

“He has my father, Maggie,” she chokes, and her voice cracks this time, the steel behind her eyes liquefies this time.

“Alex.” Her voice is soft, now, thick with grief, now. “Alex, if someone had you, I… I honestly don’t know what I’d do to get you back. I can’t imagine… but listen. I can’t… I can’t be with you if you coming home to me means showering of the blood of someone you just tortured. I can’t.”

“So you’re leaving me. Because I want to find my father.”

“I’m not leaving you, Alex. I’m… I want to help you. I care about, Alex, that hasn’t changed. I love how hard you love, Alex. I love how hard you love and how deeply you care and how much you want to protect the people you love. And I get it, because I… I want to protect you. But not just your body, Alex. Your… I don’t know, your soul. You can’t… you can’t do this anymore. We can talk to Pam, to J'onn, there’s gotta be some channels we can get for you to… to feel what you feel, to rescue who you need to rescue, without hurting people like that. Not to mention this whole damn operation has to change, I mean it’s not like you’re exactly discouraged from beating the shit out of people when they’re all in cages with no hope of release or trial or humane conditions ever.”

“You think I’m a bad person,” Alex whispers, both a statement and a question, and Maggie puts her hand on her cheek.

“I think you’re so strong, Alex, but I think if you want to get stronger, you have to reorient your definition of strength.”

“So it doesn’t include hurting people like that?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know how to do that.” She pauses long, and hard, and terrified. “Stay with me until I do?”

Maggie takes a slow, deep breath, and she reminds herself that Alex’s lethal hands are also gentle; that her stone heart is also utterly breakable; that her love is, if anything, too strong in places, and not strong enough in others.

But they can work on that.

She hopes.

God, god, god, she hopes.

She hopes, so she nods, and she seals it with a soft, tentative kiss, because she hopes, she hopes, she hopes.


End file.
